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Archive for the 'Bret Michaels' Category

March 21 - April 19 Aries
You’re bummed out because Rock of Love 2 is over. I understand – I’m right there with you. Once we got used to those sordid images of Daisy waving her hands around like a mental patient and sobbing, it’s hard to live without her histrionics, to say nothing of those other skanks (can you say Kristy Joe?). But it’s okay because Bret Michaels is touring. Talk about a skankfest. Check out the dates here. And remember, every rose has its thorn.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Discover the beauty and sadness of author Sarah Waters and her exquisite studies of women’s lives in England mostly in the Victorian era. You won’t soon forget the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd in Tipping the Velvet; the obsessive romance set within the cold grey stone walls of a women’s prison in Affinity; the incredible story of orphan/outlaw/thief Sue Trinder in Fingersmith; and the lives of four lonely Londoners during the dark days of 1940’s London amidst air raids and blackouts in The Night Watch. Sarah, please write another one – soon.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
The download of the week is Expecting to Fly by Buffalo Springfield, written by Neil Young, who once said of the band “we were good, even great.” This song is a 3:46 mini-masterpiece with soaring strings and a positively heartbreaking vocal by Young. “There you stood on the edge of your feather, expecting to fly. While I laughed, I wondered whether I could wave goodbye, Knowing that you’d gone.” Gets me every single damn time. Watch the original music video here.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
If you’re Nelson Mandela, born July 18, 1918, who spent 27 years in prison under the apartheid regime of South Africa, released in 1990 while a live global television audience watched him take his first steps to freedom, later the first democratically elected president of the very country that imprisoned him, a world figure of staggering proportions who represents dignity and humanity while going through experiences most of us could never dream of – yes, if you were Mr. Mandela you would be finding out this week that the United States of America still has you flagged as a terrorist, requiring special permission to visit this country.

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Whew! You can rest easy: they finally found Pink Floyd’s giant inflatable pig that sailed away from Coachella last weekend. Two giant piles of plastic were found in the driveways of a couple of residences in La Quinta, California. Time to worry about something else. The good news is: no shortage of things to worry about.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
This week marks the 40th anniversary of the riots at Columbia University in 1968. To commemorate this occasion I would like you to try to levitate the Pentagon 300 feet in the air. Seriously though, meditate on this: if college students poured into the streets today protesting the Iraq war we’d find ourselves under martial law quicker than you can say Dick Cheney.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Your assignment this weekend is to fall down the musical rabbit hole of record producer/recording artist Don Was’ Wasmopolitan Calvade of Recorded Music on My Damn Channel. See/hear and enjoy well over 50 fantastic cross-genre original videos of tunes by artists like Jill Sobule, Sweet Pea Atkinson, Maia Sharp, Cowboy Jack Clement and Don’s own band, Was (Not Was). Download them for free! The Donfather will take care of you.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
Via Netflix, go back in time to a much more uncomplicated era – 1960 – when pop culture was just beginning to feel the tremors of an earthquake resulting from the clash of cookie-cutter all-Americanism vs. radical beatnik jazz poetry lifeloving sex beauty. View the beginning of this cultural divide as evidenced in writer Glendon Swarthout’s account of spring break in Fort Lauderdale. The film Where The Boys Are is the original beach blanket bingo, but it’s full of pathos and morals and true love and heartbreak. No Frankies or Annettes here. Four Ivy League co-eds looking for romance drive from the snowy Midwest down to Florida for a vacation they will never forget. Keep an eye out for Frank Gorshin in one of his swinginest roles ever as the boyfriend of Connie Francis’ character.

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
Sagittarians, one of you was named Destiny Hope Miley Cyrus by your parents Billy Ray and Tish. You’re all over the news with your Lolita-style photo shoot for Vanity Fair Magazine. Child, you’re only fifteen years old. Who let you pose like this? Walt Disney must be turning over in his grave. Please find someone that you trust to help you not turn into the next Britney Spears.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Celebrate the life of fellow Capricorn Dr. Albert Hofmann, who shuffled off the mortal coil this week at the grand age of 102. Dr. Hofmann discovered the mind-altering substance LSD quite by accident in 1943. To say his research changed the world would be putting it mildly. Dr. Hofmann frequently noted that his forays through the doors of perception were the greatest way he could prepare for that final trip everyone must take.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
O Aquarius, you share your birth sign with the ultra-hip, ultra-amazing, legendary Andrew Loog Oldham. While working for Beatles’ manager Brian Epstein in the early 1960’s, Oldham found the Rolling Stones and turned them into the most incredible rock and roll band in the world. He was 19 years old, became the band’s co-manager, and assisted them in creating the most compelling music of their 40 year plus career. He’s done five million other incredible things as well. Read about him, track down his two books (Stoned, and 2 Stoned, both out of print – but another one comes out later this year from Random House), read his blog, listen to him liven up the satellite airwaves daily on Sirius’ Channel 25 Underground Garage.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Go to Austin, Texas and have the best breakfast of your life at Las Manitas at 211 Congress Ave. It’s in danger of losing its lease due to non-renewal because of Austin’s redevelopment of the area, which would be a crime and a shame. While you’re at it investigate what’s going on there and email the Mayor and the City Council to let them know that you want the eggs, rice and beans, and café con leche served by this landmark restaurant to continue to be appreciated as it should be.

well, it’s become apparent that whenever someone has a “reality” dating show on VH1, it’s only the preamble to a sequel and sometimes more than one sequel. CROCK OF LOVE being no exception. but honestly, bret michaels? where has this guy been hiding since the 80’s? and i don’t think anyone has exhibited worse taste in picking women contestants (even Flavor Flav’s dubious choices were better than these skanks). anyway, i digress. i have a list of has-been rockers that i’d love to see picking their life partners on reality shows, and this guy is surely not one of them.

btw if you’ve got some time to kill, visit the official bret michaels web page. it’s from hunger as my mother would say.