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Archive for September 2008

i’m not the first to point out some Ozzities in the Sarah Palin mythos; she’s very much a Dorothy-like character. she’s a cheerful, bright-eyed brunette skipping along with her posse, believing as hard as she can that she will make it to the Emerald City and meet the Wizard and eventually make it back home to her beloved Auntie Em in Kansas. she even has the ruby red slippers.

and now that the Alaskan Empress has truly been revealed as having no clothes (read: interviewed on CBS by Katie Couric), the Republican flying monkeys are starting to surround her, their eyes glittering, chomping their sharp teeth. any second now the Wicked Witch of the West will try to drop a house on her, or perhaps a multi-roomed mansion with a view of Russia from the front steps.

Holy Glinda Good Witch of the North, when they don’t even allow the Vice Presidential Candidate to provide post-debate spin on Fox, not to mention other broadcast outlets, there’s obviously a serious problem. they can’t reign her in fast enough.

when a figure like Kathleen Parker of the National Review can hope out loud and in print that Palin will step down for the good of the party, not to mention George Will in the Washington Post stating loud & clear that John McCain is not a fit presidential candidate, well, honey, it’s on.

somewhere, in a place very close to here, the rightest of the right wing are pacing the floor trying to figure out how to combat the force of nature that Obama seems to be. and their hearts (if they have hearts) are sinking when they really contemplate McCain / Palin as a viable alternative.

like many, i am starting to almost feel sorry for Palin because she is so clearly a deer in the headlights and she’s about to be shredded in front of billions of people by Joe Biden. i can picture her calling in sick on Thursday. she is so clearly out of her depth.

it’s kind of like Kenley on Project Runway last Wednesday when she, of all the designers, got the hip-hop design challenge. and then LL Cool J turns up as the Guest Judge. and she messed it up so badly because she doesn’t have the slightest idea what hip-hop fashion is, nor does she care. i mean, that outfit was a joke (but Leeanne really looked like a different person).

i can envision Palin in her ruby red slippers standing there with Toto in her arms, repeating over and over again There’s no place like Nome…There’s no place like Nome…There’s no place like Nome until eventually she’s back in the flying house and then wakes up in her own room, surrounded by her peeps.

yes, she’ll be back home safe in Kansas, never realizing until now that Barack Obama’s grandparents are her next door neighbors.

There's No Place Like Nome...

March 21 - April 19 Aries
Aries, the Ram. Your impulsive, pioneering spirit will no doubt be energized and cheered by seeing Judith Owen Saturday night September 27 at the Metropolitan Room, a cabaret located on West 22nd St. between 5th and 6th Avenue. For the uninitiated, Judith’s is a unique, beautiful voice and her performances combine music with a running commentary about everyday life and the state of the world. For one night, put aside your worry about the implosion of our economy and join Judith, who was called “whip smart, soulfully cool and deeply introspective” by the L.A. Times. Her newest album is Mopping Up Karma (Courgette Records, a label Owen formed with her husband/collaborator Harry Shearer). Stephen Holden in The New York Times: She has the kind of wailing folk-jazz voice that slices away surfaces to touch vulnerable emotional nerve endings and leave you quivering. Come on down and quiver; I’ll see you there.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Our Taurus of the Week is my soul sister Tina Fey, to whom I offer heartfelt congratulations on the Emmy win(s) for 30 Rock. Seven awards this year went to 30 Rock, which starts its third season October 30th (special online premiere October 23). Ms. Fey, originally head writer (and performer) on Saturday Night Live, created this show about a television show producer and the challenges of putting together a variety show, and she also produces and stars in it. Alec Baldwin makes me cry with laughter every week. It’s almost better than an orgasm. In case you haven’t yet basked in its brilliance, there’s still time for you to catch up via DVD and iTunes downloads before Season 3. A couple of quotes just to reel you in further: Liz Lemon (Fey): I want to do that thing rich people do when they turn money into more money. Jack Donaghy (Baldwin): Now, there are 140 people on this show, so go out there and make 126 people very happy. One last caveat; Tina’s from Upper Darby, Pa. – my hometown.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
During the sign of Gemini in 1967, June 12 to be exact, the album Dusty in Memphis by Dusty Springfield was released. A great year for great records, this one was produced by Arif Mardin and Jerry Wexler and engineered by Tom Dowd. Those three names on any album virtually guarantees a classic. Rolling Stone placed it as Number 89 in the Top 500 Greatest Albums of All Time: …blazing soul and sexual honesty…that transcended both race and geography. The back-up singers were the Sweet Inspirations and the band was Reggie Young’s Memphis Cats. Read more about the fascinating story behind this record in renowned music historian Warren Zanes’ fascinating book Dusty in Memphis, part of the 33 1/3 book series. Zanes discusses the record and the book here.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Moonchild ~ you’ve got a tendency to stress out on occasion. Of course we all do, but your proclivity towards overemotionality sometimes works against you in destructive ways. May I suggest Ujjayi Pranayama, a yoga breathing technique which simultaneously relaxes and rejuvenates the entire body. It’s a great way to combat stress, or to get yourself into sleep mode, or to refresh yourself and get more energy. It is sometimes known as ocean breath. Ujjayi strengthens your digestive system as well as your nervous system. It is said that 20 minutes of Ujjayi equals a full night of sleep. Ujjayi is also believed to help lengthen the span of life by lengthening the breath.

July 23 - August 22 Leo
The indie bookstore of the week is Page 1 in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Leos are courageous, positive, and creative, and love to read. This is the go-to store for you lion people when you’re under the sign of the Zia (New Mexico’s state symbol – based on an ancient symbol for the Sun by Native Americans of the region). Seriously, is there anything better than a great bookstore? I can literally spend hours going up and down the corridors perusing book titles. Page 1 also has a café and wine bar, so there’s no need to even leave the store, which was established in 1981 and sells new, used and rare books. Spend a day in there but make sure to get outside to see the stunning New Mexico sunset. Or shop online.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
Virgo is a mutable earth sign ruled by Mercury. There are four mutable signs (Gemini, Pisces, and Sagittarius in addition to Virgo). Basically mutable signs indicate an astrological sign that falls within the change of a season – in this case, Virgo falls between summer and autumn. I say to you meticulous Virgo people, its time to place yourself squarely in the 21st century and make sure you’re listed on LinkedIn. Whether you’re in the job market or not, put yourself on the map with this online network of more than 25 million experienced professionals around the globe, representing 150 industries. And that’s just today – it continues to grow exponentially. Recruiters troll it to find employees. Use it to rekindle old friendships and professional relationships. I can honestly say it changed my life. Thank you Rhonda Markowitz, who first told me about it.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
The sun moved into Libra this week, so happy birthday Librans. With that said, Mercury also went retrograde on September 24 and won’t go direct again until October 15. Which means basically all communications are affected and can be delayed and disrupted. Computers break down. Trains are late. The up side is this is a great time for reorganizing things and reflection. If you’re anywhere near San Francisco, may I suggest the Saint John Coltrane Church as a stop on your metaphysical highway. This church was created in the name of Libran John Coltrane after Founders Archbishop Franzo King and Reverend Mother Marina King saw him perform in 1965. Being raised in the Pentecostal Church, Franzo King knew the presence of the Lord when it came through the power of the Holy Ghost. Seeing John Coltrane and hearing his sound that night kindled that familiar feeling he had known in childhood. It was the presence of God. Archbishop King refers to this as a “sound baptism” which touched their hearts and minds. Further investigation into this John Coltrane proved him to be not just a ‘jazz musician’ but one who was chosen to guide souls back to God. I can safely say you’ve never been to a church like this. Go in and reflect.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
Compulsive! Passionate! Magnetic! Mysterious! Can you say Scorpio! Well guess what; its time for the season premiere of Shoot the Messenger, Monday September 29 at the Green Room Theater. Shoot The Messenger is a comedy troupe performing a satirical wrap-up of the week’s news from the brain of Daily Show Co-creator Lizz Winstead. A live sketch comedy show incorporating multi-media elements, it presents the world as seen through the filters of fictional producers and on-air talent at Wake Up World, the worst morning news show in America. Each week Lizz interviews a media figure who digs deep and gets it right. They’ll give us the lowdown on the big stories that were buried (or ignored) by the corporate media mill. This week’s guest is Naomi Wolf, author of The End of America, and former consultant to both the Clinton and Gore campaigns. Naomi and Lizz will have a timely conversation about tyranny, the election, and what we can do to save democracy before it’s too late. Tickets here. Tick tock!

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
Oh Sagittarius, you optimistic, intellectual, sensual folks. Stop the presses! Have you heard that chocolate is good for you? Yes – it truly is very good for your health in moderation. Green & Black’s Organic Chocolate makes lovely little dark chocolate squares in exactly the right size for an energy/health pick me up that you can pop when approaching the mid-afternoon slump. Their exceptional chocolate begins life as organic cocoa in Belize and the Dominican Republic. G&B makes chocolate bars, ice cream, and incredible hot chocolate mix powder. LiveScience.com tells us that a small square of dark chocolate daily protects the heart from inflammation and subsequent heart disease. Read more here.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Capricorns dig uncomplicated, simple food; comfort food. You would really enjoy the classic Manhattan coffee shop / Greek diner I stumbled upon last week – having passed it on the street for decades but never going in before. The Astro Restaurant is something out of Old New York and therefore sticks out like a sore thumb in the New New York, especially in west midtown on 6th Avenue and 55th Street. It is very rare to find a place like this that can still afford New York City rent prices. Check out the 2nd Astroburger Revolution with a plethora of crazy burgers (somehow I missed the first); including The Greek and The Real Greek.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Water-bearing Aquarians love to know what is going on all the time so they can make a judicious decision about what deserves their time. Hence I want you to know about The Weekly Gigometer, presented by Home Office Records, an independent record label in Brooklyn with big plans for fine music and a penchant for exceptionally fine beer. This is what’s called a community service and a really great one. They are amazing. I love them. Subscribe. Throw money at them. Tell your friends about them.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Fish people traits include escapism and dreaminess. Well, let this be your wake up call! We’re creeping inexorably towards November 4, a day that will change all our lives, Americans or not. The beauteous Grace Helbig (AKA Daily Grace) channels Bristol Palin in My Damn Channel’s Voting is Sexy video which also imparts practical advice on where and how to register. The deadline to register in most states is early October. That means next week. Get on the good foot, people!

Picture this: A young, comely U.S. Vice Presidential candidate with no foreign policy experience who was virtually unknown outside of her home state a few weeks ago meets with a number of world leaders in the city which is the news and information capital of the entire globe, that would be New York City.

In a move so dastardly even the Fox Network was kneecapped, the McComplain Campaign restricted press access to these meetings except for what are whimsically known as “photo ops.” The brilliant Maureen Dowd described it best in today’s New York Times: Sarah speed-dated diplomacy. Girlfriend is on fire with her newest column Park Avenue Diplomacy.

After SP completed her cotillion with the Big Boys, Dowd writes that she met with Henry Kissinger: How the mighty 85-year-old Henry the K has fallen from his days chasing Jill St. John and running the world to his hour briefing of a 44-year-old Wasilla hockey mom who may end up running the world . . . The two made an odd couple: the last impure Rockefeller Republican and the first pure Rovian Republican, grown totally in the petri dish of cultural crusaderism.

By the by, the word palindrome means a word or phrase which reads the same in both directions. For instance; rats live on no evil star. Or Dogma: I am God. Since the so-called Straight Talk Express seems to have seriously derailed, the second one sounds about right, n’est-ce pas?

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More posts on Sarah Palin:

Baked Alaska (Ruminations on McPalin)

Que Sera, Sarah?

I know I said was showing a dangerous tendency towards palinization (a word that I’ve invented to mean a horrific obsession with Sarah Palin) and it’s true. I admit it. It’s kind of like rubbernecking on a highway when you see a car accident.

The good news is, I spent last weekend in South Florida visiting mi madre for her birthday. I saw two – count them, two – Obama bumper stickers on cars. One of those cars I actually saw on the road being driven by what looked to be an elderly Jewish man.

Even better than that; I attended a luncheon with ten retired Jewish ladies in their 70’s and 80’s. I promised my mom that I would not get all political on them and stayed quiet on anything topical, didn’t wear my Obama button in plain sight, nothing. Next thing I know, one of them brought up the 20/20 Interview that had been broadcast the night before.

All hell broke loose and the general consensus was that we can’t let McPalin anywhere near Washington, D.C. Yes, they were all registered. Yes, they were all voting. For Obama. Praise the Lord!

This has been a fascinating week, O Best Beloved. The stories come fast and furious. Maureen Dowd’s Op-Ed piece Barbies for War! was genius. Dowd took herself to “Sarahville” and reported back that it’s pretty much what one would expect; a massive Wal-Mart, Obama supporters being called Communists by passing motorists, frightening tracts at the Wasilla Assembly of God church (e.g. The Bait of Satan), Sarah’s former high school principal calling her ‘inexperienced’ and ‘simplistic.’ It is to laugh!

Dowd also spent some time at the Mocha Moose, where Palin apparently fuels up every morning with her favorite drink – a skinny white mocha – now called the Sarah. The Mocha Moose features a 24 hour drive through, 365 days a year. Their website is chock full (o nuts) (couldn’t resist) of bad web design and typos. (This is were we roast are beans daily and offer a home sweet home feeling when you’re drinking your coffee) [sic]

There’s also a section on the Mocha Moose site for Palin Wear – 3 different types of t-shirts (the site claims they are ‘selling like crazy’), bumper stickers (reading Palin Fever) and buttons (Palin Fever – VP 2008 with a red stiletto high heel and Get Moosified – Palin did are my favorites).

The upshot of it all is that Madame Governor has shown herself to be more of a cartoon rather than a real person. Patricia J. Williams in The Nation says it well: Andy Warhol would have loved Sarah Palin. She really is the ultimate soup can . . . What Warhol did with Mao Zedong and Marilyn Monroe is precisely what the Republican Party has done with Sarah Palin.

To paraphrase Doris Day:

Que Sera, Sarah,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
You scare the bejesus out of me.
Que Sera, Sarah,
What will be, will be.
The White House you won’t see.

At least not if it’s up to me.

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More posts on Sarah Palin:

Baked Alaska (Ruminations on McPalin)

Welcome to the Palindrome

March 21 - April 19 Aries
Come on down, Aries, and indulge both your sweet tooth and your free-thinking sense of independence and adventure by stopping by the Barackolate Chip Cookie Sale & Voter Registration Table Saturday, September 20 from 11am to 3pm at 112th and Broadway in Manhattan. Me and my peeps will be there, signing up voters (New York state voter registration forms must be postmarked by October 10th in order to vote in the general election) (please check this website to find the deadline for your state) and selling the very latest in Obama buttons. Our table will be located in front of the aptly-named Liberty House, a socially and environmentally conscious women’s and children’s clothing shop which offers organic, natural-fiber items, many designed in places like Nepal and South America.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Taureans are known for their love of good food. May I suggest the perfect restaurant – B. Smith’s – conveniently located in New York City’s theater district on restaurant row (46th between 8th and 9th Ave.) as well as in Washington DC’s Union Station and on Long Wharf in Sag Harbor. You can’t go wrong here with this global-eclectic menu inspired by Ms. Smith’s interpretations of different world cuisines to create fabulous comfort food. And whatever you do, don’t miss the bread pudding dessert. It’s like going back to the yummiest part of your childhood.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
Our independent bookstore of the week is Haslam’s, in St. Petersburg, Florida. Those born under the sign of the Twins are articulate, intellectual, and tend towards brilliance. Therefore I suggest you visit Haslam’s the next time you’re down in them thar woods. The store, which began in 1933 as a small used book and magazine store by John and Mary Haslam, is now Florida’s Largest New and Used Bookstore, run by a third generation of the family. Located at 2025 Central Avenue, you can’t miss this huge landmark to the power of the written word.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Sometimes a CD comes along that is seamless, not one wrong note in the entire thing, not one song you’d skip when playing it on your iPod. Even though you’ve played said item a hundred million times since its release, it never sounds irrelevant and tired. Such a work is the 1998 release Celebrity Skin by Courtney Love. Ms. Love, a card-carrying Cancer moonchild (July 9), exhibits a classic cancerian trait - a crab like tendency to have a hard exoskeleton but a soft romantic interior. She’s done other fantastic records (her first album, Live Through This, is so good it hurts) but this one is my favorite – it glistens, it gleams, it’s hard, it’s soft. If this had been released in the mid to late 60’s just about every song would have achieved massive radio airplay. Boys On The Radio is a classic 1966 radio hit. My favorite: Dying (Remember; you promised me; I’m dying, I’m dying please - I want to, I need to be / Under your skin). This record deservedly went multi-platinum and aced all kinds of “Best of the Year” kudos in 1998. If you’ve never heard it – download it. If you have it and forgot how great it is – play it.

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Next time your Leo wanderlust makes you yearn to hit the road, consider a trip to Seward’s Folly, AKA our 49th State - Alaska. Alaska is a fairly new addition to our great nation, having achieved statehood on January 3, 1959, at which time it increased the size of the USA by almost 20 percent. More than half of Alaskans live in the Greater Anchorage area. Close to Anchorage is a town that recently became infamous; Wasilla, home of Governor Sarah Palin, known to some as the Drilla from Wasilla. Pony up to the Mocha Moose like a local and order yourself a Sarah, so named because it is her favorite skinny white mocha. The Mocha Moose has been named best coffee/espresso establishment in the region for the past eight years. And they also carry t-shirts (choose from Official Coffee Supplier for Sarah Palin or Wasilla, AK - Where men are men and women are vice president), bumper stickers, and buttons in support of their most famous customer. For some of my thoughts on Alaska’s Governor, click here.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
Speaking of strong females who have a very well documented religious bent, Hildegard von Bingen’s Feast Day falls in the month of Virgo: September 17, the date of her death in 1179. HVB was a German artist, author, composer, physician, herbalist, philosopher, linguist, naturalist, poet, visionary, and abbess. Her Ordo Virtutum has been named as possibly the origin of opera. She was the recipient of visions from a very young age, and her parents offered her as a tithe to the Church at the age of 8. Later in life, she fought the urge to record her visions, which made her physically ill. She wrote at the time: I didn’t immediately follow this command. Self-doubt made me hesitate. I analyzed others’ opinions of my decision and sifted through my own bad opinions of myself. Finally, one day I discovered I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed. Through this illness, God taught me to listen better….These visions weren’t fabricated by my own imagination, nor are they anyone else’s. I saw these when I was in the heavenly places. They are God’s mysteries. These are God’s secrets. I wrote them down because a heavenly voice kept saying to me, ‘See and speak! Hear and write!’

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Even our usually balanced, cheerful, fair-minded Libran friends must be as shell shocked as the rest of us by the recent turn of events on Wall Street. May I refer you to the extremely well researched Dollar Stretcher website (their tagline: living better for less – saving you time and money since 1986). With sections ranging from Green, Family, Home and Auto, and more, this site offers a plethora of money-saving tips that, let’s face it, no matter what your particular financial situation is at the moment, you might benefit from. Featured articles include How I Paid Off My College Debt in a Year and 10 (free) Ways to Improve Your Health.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
Scorpios can count amongst their ranks the redoubtable Hillary Rodham Clinton, who, no matter what your political affiliation, I think we can all agree kicked some serious ass this year and cemented the Clinton brand forever in our consciousness. Too many women are still so upset at what they perceive as bad treatment of HRC that they are threatening to vote McPalin or – even worse – not at all. My best friend Rose made these awesome t-shirts - inspired by Hillary’s speech at the recent DNC - to spread the message about what is at stake. Quoth Rose, “We don’t have to love Obama. We just have to vote for him! The alternative is unthinkable! Please spread the word.”  Sizes available from Small to XL and worldwide shipping is available. Rock the vote as Hillary would want you to!

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
I’ve got a handful of favorite websites and one of them is The Saint of the Month Club, as previously discussed on this list not long ago. Saintmeister Josh Gosfield weighs in on the USA’s current passion for change. Check out their new post here. You philosophical, erudite Sagittarians will find this of interest. Evaluate the McChange Agent yourself. While you’re here take a look at SaintMorph – takes a few seconds to load but oh so worth it!

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Capricorn is the very model of patience and perseverance. Their middle name is Discipline. Y’all would dig the fascinating and little known story of Jack Taylor of Beverly Hills, which can be viewed next Tuesday September 23 on the Sundance Channel. For more than 60 years, the fashionable custom-made suits Jack Taylor created for stars like Cary Grant, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Elvis defined Hollywood glamour, status and good taste. Now in his 90s, Taylor remains active and in demand even as he could be called an endangered species in the current era of shoddy workmanship and casual dress. Cecile Leroy Beaulieu’s fascinating documentary profiles the life and times of an outspoken and witty Beverly Hills icon as he discusses his career and commitment to excellence in men’s attire. I’d like to nominate Jack Taylor as celebrity judge on Project Runway for the next menswear challenge. Man, would he whip those brats into shape! Full disclosure: I did the photo research & clearances for this film. And it’s fabulous!

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Following last week’s story about Skye Denno, the punk rock deacon lager-drinking mom of two, I now bring you The First Lutheran Chuch of Punk, located in – I am not kidding here – Throgs Neck, New York. Once a month, Bronx Underground sponsors a concert in the church basement featuring up and coming bands of the goth, punk, ska, and hardcore ilk. It’s so popular it landed a piece in The New York Times. A group of kids with all the trappings of black clothes, piercings, and copious eye makeup jam the place and transport themselves to a place redolent with the smell of Christian teen spirit. Most attendees are in the adolescent netherworld which draws one to go out and party, but not old enough to go to a bar. Gives a whole new meaning to Jesus being the Rock, n’est-ce pas?

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Pisces…..your traits of sensitivity and intuition can sometimes trend towards addictive behaviors and relationships that have a tendency to drain your energy rather than replenish it. With that in mind, you’re probably the best possible target for a vampire, so watch out. If the world presented by TrueBlood, HBO’s new Sunday night series, was real, you’d be in serious trouble. The series is based on the premise that vampires are legal in our society. The plot centers on Sookie (played by Anna Pacquin), a small town waitress who can read people’s thoughts. Best character: Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), Sookie’s cynical, wise-cracking best friend since childhood. And then there’s Bill (Stephen Moyer), the handsome yet creepy 173 year old vampire who one day just shows up in Sookie’s bar and captures her heart. Not since Barnabas Collins on Dark Shadows has a TV vampire on been so sexy.

I watched the Palinizer on 20/20 last Friday night gettin’ all cozy with Charles Gibson in her lovely Alaskan home, and it’s my feeling that if this woman gets anywhere near the White House, our goose is cooked ~ our moose is dressed ~ or whatever dead animal metaphor you find to hand. Our country will take a turn to the right so sharply it will feel like we are on a NASCAR track hurtling into hell at 185 miles an hour.

In case you hadn’t noticed, things suck pretty bad right now. But imagine, if you will, how bad it could get: no more polar bears (they’re not endangered, right? who’s going to miss them?) – banned books in our public libraries – an end to safe and legal abortions, more abstinence - obviously a screaming success in Alaska (a million Bristol Palins bringing into this world a million new babies they don’t know the first thing about taking care of) – and, of course, tanning beds all around. And I hesitate even to formulate the image of SP’s finger on the nuclear trigger.

And may I add that I am amused and horrified that the Palinator is said to be a super-mom of some sort. What kind of super-mom drags her four-month-old infant to a 22,000-seat sports arena with bright lights, loud noises, and billions of germs in the air? Methinks that if that child had not been a special needs baby, he would have stayed in a nice clean quiet cradle where he belonged that night instead of being passed around for the cameras like a tiny political football.

It’s oh-so-obvious, folks! McCain has never been his party’s choice. They don’t like him, they don’t trust him. Especially since his best friend is Joe Lieberman, who is universally despised by all parties (Republican, Democrat, and the one happening on the 17th floor of my apartment building tonight at 9pm). For God’s sake, McSame almost defected the Republican Party to join Kerry’s presidential ticket in 2004!

I know I don’t need to point out that since Palin was anointed as McPain’s Veep Choice, the GOP has received a much-needed injection of fresh neo-con blood (kind of like Lestat feeding on a sweet young hot evangelical Christian babe). Hence, McBore, who was heretofore not winning any Republican popularity contests, has now become the Groovemeister and drawing Obama-sized crowds. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Prior to Palin, JM was almost like a kindly old great-uncle who sometimes messed up his facts and figures. With SP now providing the assist to his blurred and feeble vision, it’s become a scenario straight from the scariest of Stephen King novels.

But I digress… my point is, a McPalin White House will turn the world upside down. Talk about Baked Alaska. Those of us who don’t own seven homes will have a difficult time even owning one in the Brave New World of the Palindrome. She out-mccains McCain; she out-Bushes Bush. She’s Tonya Harding and America is Nancy Kerrigan.

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a few days after I wrote this post, Sarah Palin’s God divinely inspired me to tackle this subject again with a post entitled Que Sera, Sarah? ~ i invite you to read the result here. - HCP 9/23/08

more speaking in tongues this morning, kids: Welcome to the Palindrome - reflecting on Ms. Palin’s visit to New York City to meet world leaders on Tuesday, September 23rd. - HCP 9/24/08

March 21 - April 19 Aries
The waxing gibbous moon is nearly full and it’s driving ya crazy, O Aries. You’ve been Palinized. Get over it! The Sarah Palin Affair is merely a distraction from the real show. It’s designed to siphon energy away from McCain v. Obama. Let’s get on message, people! Time’s a-wasting! You want to obsess over a strong woman? May I present the Reverend Skye Denno, 29 year old Church of England deacon and lager-drinking Sex Pistols fan. Read her story here. She’s freaking awesome. She’s a married mum of two who loves to go to the pub and see live music. She told the Daily Mail, “I think I love working for the Church because every day is different. Also, other than working for God you are really your own boss and it is nice to have that freedom.” Hosanna!

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Taurus, I want you to Netflix my favorite flick of all time, Diner. It’s about five twenty-something young guys who spend 90% of their time hanging out together at a favorite diner located in Baltimore. One of them gets engaged to be married and this starts a whole new storyline in which they all start examining their lives and realize that they’re pretty much side-stepping real life by living in this diner-shaped cocoon. The film, brilliantly written and directed by Barry Levinson, was made in 1982 and boasts a bevy of now very well known actors. It could never be made today; their fees would be astronomical. Steve Guttenberg, Daniel Stern, Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon, Tim Daly, Paul Reiser, Ellen Barkin, for instance. My favorite scene; Rourke and Bacon are driving home at dawn from an all-night diner hang session and they glimpse a beautiful woman riding a horse from a distance. She’s very high end, old money looking, and they’re both transfixed. After a few moments of silence, Bacon says, “Do you ever get the feeling that there’s something going on that we don’t know about?”

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
You’re optimistic, creative, expressive, and you love to soak up art and culture. Celebrate the finer things in life with the October issue (and 25th/95th anniversary issue) of Vanity Fair Magazine. The magazine was originally launched in 1913. It’s second incarnation came about in 1983. There is simply nothing like it. It’s the only magazine I read cover to cover. Articles I didn’t even know I would be interested in are fascinating. This month the huge double issue (Marilyn Monroe is on the cover) pays tribute to its past and looks to the future. I always start with Dominick Dunne and this month he talks about his quarter-century of covering the rich and famous with fascinating anecdotal nuggets. The cover story is about the recent discovery of Marilyn possessions that raise new questions about her life and death. There’s also a succulent excerpt from Annie Liebovitz’s upcoming book, where she shares the stories behind some of her most well known images.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
The ruler of the fourth sign of the zodiac is the Moon, its symbol being the Crab, known for dual personalities. At once shy and retiring, you can also be vibrant and gregarious. I’m thinking both personalities would benefit greatly from going to see the Fab Faux’s big ol’ psychedelic extravaganza 10 year anniversary show at Radio City Music Hall Saturday September 20th. And you can see the Faux on Late Night with Conan O’Brien Friday September 12th (as in tonight). I know what you’re thinking; Beatles tribute band, I don’t think so. But au contraire, this is no tribute band. These fellas are note for note, devout students of the Fabs. The Fab Five hail from the bands on the Conan and the Letterman show, so they’re the cream (tangerine) of the crop. (Sorry, couldn’t resist that one). A ginger sling with a pineapple heart. See you there ~

July 23 - August 22 Leo
My favorite Leo this week is Tim Gunn, making it work every week on Project Runway as the steward to a posse of designers with varied backgrounds and skill sets. This season is good, but I have to say previous seasons did hold my attention a little more. However, Tim never disappoints. This week on the show, the contestants did an astrologically-themed challenge which was rather entertaining, to say the least. They had to team up with their former rivals who had been booted off the show in order to do the challenge; and then they were partially judged by a group of designers who had been on past seasons. During a party scene, Heidi Klum was actually disrespected to her face by one of the more egocentric whippersnappers and I was all, oh no you didn’t! And for some reason Suede is still there…the annoying one who talks about himself in the third person and looks like a refugee from Urgh! A Music War.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
I have two words for you Virgo fussbudgets: Navratan Korma. Meaning Nine-Gem Curry. So named because of the nine different vegetables, fruit, and nuts in the dish. Thanks to the Andyman, I stumbled upon this dish in an Indian restaurant last week. And it’s really superfine. Order it with some naan and all is right with the world. For a few minutes at least.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Libra, it’s that time again! Hit the books! Since my back to school days are over I will live vicariously through the wealthy, stuck up characters on Gossip Girl as they make their way back to Gotham from their summers in the Hamptons. In case you’re not clued in to the groove, the show centers on best friends Blair and Serena and their satellites of love. The narrator, who is never seen and remains a woman of mystery, knows and sees all and sends photos and provocative text messages to all and sundry. It’s to die for. The dialogue is genius. Recent Blair-isms: It’s like Roman Holiday but I’m Gregory Peck and he’s Audrey Hepburn! – and - Notice how my voice didn’t go up at the end? Not a question. Almost as addictive: the Gossip Girl Insider website.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
Hey Scorpio, want to live forever? Consider Portuguese Rice Pudding, a traditional dessert in Portugal. The dish, which contains white rice, hot milk, egg yolks, and cinnamon, is what Maria de Jesus of Portugal ate for her 115th birthday this week. She is believed to be the oldest living person in Europe and the second oldest living person in the world (the first is an American, Edna Parker, born in 1893). De Jesus lives in the village of Corujo in central Portugal and has six children. Feliz cumpleaños!

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
Southside Johnny was born December 4, 1948 in Neptune, New Jersey and his voice is one of the 8th wonders of the world. One of my favorite writers, Sal Nunziato (who’s now launched his own blog: Burning Wood) describes the new Southside Johnny album Grapefruit Moon: The Songs of Tom Waits thus in the Huffington Post: {the} arrangements evoke the brilliance of such orchestrators as Oliver Nelson, Billy May, and Nelson Riddle . . . “Down Down Down” becomes a kick-ass jitterbug and “All The Time In The World” sends you speeding through the Riviera, looking for Blofeld. “Johnsburg, Illinois,” one of my fave Waits tunes, clocks in at less than 2 minutes on “Swordfishtrombones.” It’s a tad longer here, but after one listen, you are ready to kick a can down some boulevard in the rain, wondering just why she did you wrong. Every song will either put you in a Billy Wilder film or some saloon. All I had to do was read this review and ch-ching, iTunes, I’m resting in the arms of these songs right now.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Capricorns love their pets! And if you don’t have a pet, there are plenty out there that need your love. Find a shelter and get a new furry friend. And in keeping with our ongoing election year theme, may I turn you on to the Presidential Pets Museum, located in Historic Williamsburg, Virginia. The Museum was founded in 1999 to preserve information, artifacts, and items related to the Presidential Pets. Over 500 items of interest are displayed for lovers of pets, Presidents and pet trivia. As it happens, nearly every President had a pet, both exotic and common, and one can learn about them all here. Currently the First Dog is Barney Bush, a Scottish Terrier. We’re all looking forward to Barney moving to a nice big ranch in Texas where he can have acres and acres to roam.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Strange and unusual things fascinate you, Aquarians. Therefore I have no doubt that you’ll dig the Old Creepy Ad post on Weirdomatic.com (thanks Ilene). Sometimes it’s really scary what the human mind can conceive for advertising, writes Alexandra, the 23 year old author of this blog. A Gillette Safety Razor ad shows a baby wielding a razor and the tagline Begin Early / Shave Yourself. Say what???? Lysol (a concentrated Germ-Killer) for female hygiene! To relieve fatigue – get a LIFT with a Camel! Gadzooks, this stuff is really off the hook.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces

Those born under the sign of Pisces should consider treating yourself to something luxurious this weekend. You’re overworked and stressed out. I’ve got just the thing – Sabon. Check it: In the summer of 1974, in a small farming town in Israel, a young couple made soap in their back yard. Guided by an ancient aboriginal recipe they had stumbled upon during their travels, they meticulously blended various local herbs and flowers into their magical mixture of fragrant oils and lye…Today, with the same love and creativity that inspired the original bar of lavender soap, Sabon has somewhat expanded upon their soap line to include delightful and dreamy products for the body, the home and the soul. This spectacular collection of lotions and potions is now available in stores across Israel, Europe and America. Log on to their site, find a location near you, or order online. And breathe . . .

during the summer between 4th and 5th grade my family moved from florida to the philadelphia suburbs and i enrolled in drexelbrook elementary school for 5th grade. it was extremely frightening to be dropped into a new school at the age of ten years. plus i was going from an environment where i knew all the kids in my class from pre-school age, to a place where i knew absolutely no one. that first day in 5th grade was horrifying. i folded up into myself like an origami paper swan. it did not help when my favorite person in the world and my champion, my maternal grandfather, died later that year.

things got a little better eventually, but the whole experience marked me for life as anything like this will do when you’re that young. i went from being a sunny, carefree, popular child to a quiet, circumspect, fearful little girl. other kids, bigger and stronger than me, could smell the fear on me. one of the kids who singled me out for scorn was Mary Jenkins. she was tall and had fashionable long black hair with bangs. she hung out with a mean crowd who tormented weaker classmates as a way to pass the time.

Mary kind of looked like a Beatle girlfriend who was dressed in handmade clothing like a Mormon wife. she scared the bejesus out of me. in that evil, bitchy way that children are really good at, she challenged me to meet her one day in the playground so she could beat the crap out of me. this kind of event was de rigeur at drexelbrook school. much as the teachers tried to stop it, there were fights in the schoolyard just about every day - preplanned, like medieval jousts. once the two parties agreed to the challenge, the whole class would inform each other and there would be a sizeable crowd around the two principals.

Mary laid the challenge down by saying to me one day, “I call you out. After school.” you couldn’t say no, because it proved you were a scared, spineless wimp. so of course i said yes and sweated profusely the rest of the day as the clock ticked away to the close of school for the afternoon, wishing myself anywhere but there.

all i remember about the fight is that we were surrounded by a group of our peers yelling and carrying on, and since i hardly knew anyone there yet and had few friends, they were likely yelling for Mary. i don’t remember how it turned out but i am pretty sure she kicked my ass from here to Sunday. if we weren’t stopped by a teacher that is.

i wonder where she is and what she is doing now. i picture her as a housewife with many children, probably still living in the area near that school, possibly sparing a thought to what she was like as a child as she wipes the tears off a little one’s cheek who was bullied at school. or maybe it’s her kids who are the bullies. i forgive you, Mary, not that you need my forgiveness. and you did have really awesome hair.

March 21 - April 19 Aries
Ya know, back in early July I posited in this here column that (Aries) Rachel Maddow, who had been guest-hosting Countdown with Keith Olbermann, deserved her own TV show on MSNBC. Interestingly enough, it was recently announced that Rachel will be hosting her own nightly show in the slot right after Countdown, starting Monday September 8th, just in time to kick some election-coverage ass. (By the way, as of today, there are a mere 59 days left until November 4th.)  Coincidence? Or is my audience really growing by leaps and bounds? Go, Rachel, go!

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Taureans; you love comfort and safety and hate it when suddenly things start to unravel. Like for instance your computer – you tend to absolutely lose it when it gets all gunked up and the internet keeps cutting in and out and strange things start to happen that just don’t seem normal. The reason this column is so late, dear readers, is that this scenario took place here at snoop du jour ville and my entire schedule was thrown off (we Tauruses hate that a whole lot too) because I had to rearrange life and work for my computer guru to magically appear and make it all better. Which he did. Because he is amazing. And if you live in Manhattan or the surrounding area and have need of the best computer consultant in town, look no further. Andy Wasserman handles everything computer related, from setting up networks to outfitting your entire office with computers, infrastructure, servers, switchers, routers, whatever it is you need – both Mac and PC. He can also set up blackberrys and enterprise servers. I have used his services many times with many clients. His email address is Andy@centralparktech.com ~ tell him Holly sent you. He is, ahem, the man.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
Submitted for your approval: Jeffrey Jacob Abrams, otherwise known as J.J. Adams. Born under the sign of Gemini in 1966. He created, wrote, directed and produced Alias from 2001 to 2006. In 2004 he co-created a show you may have heard of called Lost, which he writes, directs and produces and has now whipped into a heady froth of time travel, sci fi, heroes and villains. His new show, Fringe, will hit the airwaves with a two-hour premiere Tuesday September 9 on Fox and early reports indicate it will attract us like moths to a flame as per usual. The plot has something to do with a mad scientist/ex-con, his son, and a female FBI agent. It has been described as The X-Files meets The Twilight Zone. All I know is I have put a date with Fringe on my calendar for next Tuesday and I am deciding what to wear.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Emotional! Protective! Moody! Clinging! That’s you, my dear Cancerians. Apropos of nothing except our continuing search for great food, I have just the cure for your ills: Yonah Schimmel’s Knishes Bakery on the lower East Side of Manhattan. Thanks to the how-did-we-ever-live-without-it website Yelp.com, we quote a certain Dana G. of Astoria: One day walking down the street with my wife I saw a flash of light…All I could make out was a sign that said: ‘Yonah Schimmel’s Knishes Bakery’, and I understood that this was a glimpse of the afterlife or heaven. I walked inside and purchased a Knish . . . I took bite after bite and slowly a tear started to fall down my cheek. The God of potatoes had shown me potato perfection. I looked up, smiled and mouthed “thank you”. After finishing the knish, I sat on a bench catching my breath as the world slowly came back into focus. I turned to my wife and said: “I have seen the light.” It’s on E. Houston between 2nd Ave. and Chrystie Street. Get going!

July 23-August 22 Leo
Leos need to take their extremely extroverted selves to The Theatres at 45 Bleecker Street September 9 at 10pm for a very rare treat. As part of the Howl Festival, the film Nightclubbing will be shown to a small audience.  Filmmakers Pat Ivers and Emily Armstrong were called The Lewis and Clarke of rock video by no less than The New York Times. From 1975 to 1980 they documented NYC’s punk rock scene at seminal clubs such as CBGB’s, the Mudd Club, Danceteria and more. They filmed dozens of bands including the Bad Brains, Blondie, Bush Tetras, John Cale, the Contortions, the Cramps, Dead Boys, Dead Kennedys, DNA, Go-Gos, Heartbreakers, Richard Hell and the Voidoids, Lounge Lizards, Iggy Pop, Suicide, Talking Heads, and Teenage Jesus and the Jerks. Their film offers a unique insight into a culture that had far more effect on the world than its movement could ever have imagined at the time. I can honestly say of this event - be there, or be square.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo

The city of Los Angeles was founded on September 4, 1781, making it a Virgo. The original name of LA was El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de la Porciúncula (The Village of Our Lady, the Queen of the Angels of Porziuncola). But enough of all that. Check out Jennifer Brandt Taylor’s new guide, Vintage LA: Eats, Boutiques, Décor, Landmarks, Markets & More. JBT takes readers on an insider’s tour of the town and her publisher, Harper Collins, calls it a heartfelt homage to the city’s decadent past by a modern Hollywood dame. Her blog provides hours of entertainment as well; it’s a scrumptious must-read. By the way, New York is next; she’s working on Vintage NY right now.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Summer is on its last legs and we’re about to enter the season of autumn - Libra time! And what an autumn we’ve got ahead! There’s the Presidential Election, for one thing! And there’s the Presidential Debates (9/26 is the first one, then 10/7, and 10/15)!  There’s…um…the Vice Presidential Debate on October 2nd! Then there’s the last day you can register to vote in the general election, which varies by state! This website has links to the official sites of all 50 states, where you can check the relevant date for registering in each state. And let me quote Rumi here regarding the change of the season from lazy summer to get-on-the-stick fall: Lord, it is time. The summer was very big. Lay thy shadow on the sundials, and on the meadows let the winds go loose. Command the last fruits that they shall be full; give them another two more southerly days, press them on to fulfillment and drive the last sweetness into the heavenly wine.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
Speaking of voting (obsessed are we?), I’d like to inform Scorpios and everyone else that the blog of the week is a little red henpeace, politics, yarnlife after 60 by Naomi Dagen Bloom AKA the Compost Queen of Manhattan. I met Naomi and her husband Ron last weekend whilst manning a storefront for a certain presidential candidate (hint: he’s really cute and under the age of 72). Naomi’s blog is frickin’ awesome. It’s everything a blog should be – well written, interesting, and full of great tips. One of the many items she turned me on to is the Obama Paper Doll Book from Dover Press. (Naomi writes that you get the entire nuclear family with some of the outfits you’ve seen on TV–including Michelle’s purple silk sheath from the night of the famous “fist bump.”) Visit her blog, drop her a note to get the recipe for Christine Lavin’s Barackolate Chip Cookies – with three kinds of chocolate chips: milk, white, and bittersweet. I had one; they’re fabulous!

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius

Friends, Romans, Sagittarians; the beyond fantastic and wonderfully wise Lynda Barry is teaching a two-day Writing the Unthinkable workshop in San Francisco on November 22 and 23. I can’t think of a better birthday present to give yourself than spending two days with LB. Only 50 students will be admitted, so get a move on and sign up now. I’m here to tell you that I took a class with her in July and it changed my life and my writing forever. Enrollment is a snap ~ send a note to Betty Bong (fromthedeskofmarlys@yahoo.com) and she’ll clue you in on how to proceed. Hear me now and believe me later; Lynda will rock your goddam socks off.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Let’s talk about chocolate. And pretzels. Chocolate-covered pretzels. Capricorn folks can be quite taken in by the salty and the sweet. You are a perfect mark for the visionary Jill Frechtman - a chocoholic from childhood who went from an advertising career to creating what she calls Fretzels™ and all I can say is, they are beyond the pale. These gourmet chocolate-covered pretzels are individually hand-dipped in milk, white, or dark chocolate and covered with candy toppings or drizzled with even more chocolate. Check out their many varieties; join the Fretzel of the Month Club and receive a box of each month’s specialty flavor every month. September’s flavor is Peanut Butter and Jelly, capturing the flavor of a creamy PB&J sandwich with grape jelly flavored purple white chocolate.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
For some reason I’ve recently started thinking about vice presidents of the United States, not sure why really. Who would have thought that our honest, humanitarian, intellectual Aquarian friends would count amongst their number one James Danforth Quayle, 44th Vice President of the United States under George H.W. Bush. The Dan Quayle Vice Presidential Museum is located in Huntington, Indiana, where Mr. Quayle attended high school. He was born in Indianapolis and later became Indiana’s state senator prior to his White House stint – don’t you love the word stint?). Apparently this is the only museum dedicated to a living Vice President. You can see thousands of artifacts here including a lock of Dan’s baby hair, a golf visor he once wore, his third grade report card, and his diploma which was allegedly ripped apart by the Quayle family dog. Another Aquarian by the way is Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces

Indulge your intuitive, escapist, mystical Piscean traits to the max at Sphatika, a new Holistic Treatment Center at Columbus Circle in New York City. Take relaxation to the nth degree with the Royal Sphatika Signature Experience - 3 hours of bliss which includes gentle and invigorating skin brushing, a nutrient-rich Orchid Body Mask, relaxing steam canopy, Hemp Oil body massage, and a lymphatic drainage facial. Or try a 2 hour Crystal & Cashmere Castor Oil Pack Treatment in which cashmere soaked with Castor Oil and Hemp Oil calms and restores the innate balance of the nervous, circulatory and digestive systems. They also carry their own skincare line. Vite, vite!