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March 21 - April 19 Aries

My courageous, dynamic Aries friends; be it known that tomorrow (Saturday, December 13) is Santa Lucia Day. Santa Lucia is the bringer of light in the time of darkness. The story from this fantastic Santa Lucia Day website is that,  According to legend, Lucia was a medieval saint who carried food and drink to hungry folk in the province of Värmland during a period of famine. She was seen across Lake Vänern with her white gown and crown of lights. . . . In Sweden, the Lucia Day is celebrated all over the country in every home, school, and workplace on the morning of the 13th of December. All of the other Scandinavian countries (Denmark, Finland, Iceland, and Norway) celebrate Lucia as well. In each home usually the eldest daughter dresses in a white gown with a red sash and a crown of candles. She and her sisters wake the family at dawn and serve them a breakfast of sun-colored saffron buns and gingerbread cookies . . . At every workplace they make time for a special morning “coffee break” before the day even starts and a few ladies dress up as Lucias. At most public institutions, a table is laid ready with coffee, saffron buns and gingerbread cookies for the public to enjoy all that day . . . Lucia brings a message of lighter times to come during the darkest time of the year. It is a very festive atmosphere, full of good feelings, hope, and expectations . . . Lucia is often accompanied by star boys, an ancient tradition which dates back to the time when boys used to go door-to-door playing tricks, singing and begging for money to celebrate the winter solstice.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Bettie Page, 85 years young and a Taurus (April 22), shuffled off this mortal coil yesterday. She was the most famous pinup girl of the 1940’s and 50’s and her centerfolds adorned millions of walls. She had a few stage and television appearances, but it was a chance meeting that changed her life. On the beach at Coney Island in 1950, she met Jerry Tibbs, a police officer and photographer, who assembled her first pinup portfolio. By 1951, the brother-sister photographers Irving and Paula Klaw, who ran a mail-order business in cheesecake, were promoting the Bettie Page image with spike heels and whips, while Bunny Yeager’s pictures featured her in jungle shots, with and without leopard skins. Her pictures were ogled in Wink, Eyeful, Titter, Beauty Parade and other magazines, and in leather-fetish 8- and 16-millimeter films. Her big break was the Playboy centerfold in January 1955, when she winked in a Santa Claus cap as she put a bulb on a Christmas tree. Bettie was humbled at all the attention she got five years ago, when she attended Playboy’s 50th Anniversary party at the Playboy Mansion with Anna Nicole Smith.  Both Smith and Page made a grand entrance and enjoyed the special attention they received.  That evening they were photographed together in what was said to be the only time in the past 50 years that Page allowed her photograph to be taken. Funeral services will be next Tuesday with a private service and burial at Westwood Cemetery a few feet away from her blonde sex icon counterpart, Marilyn Monroe.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
The Geminis among us are eloquent, intellectual, and just plain book smart. So how about taking a few minutes to give back to our troops? It’s really really easy. Whether or not you think we should be entrenched in Iraq, I think we can all agree that those who volunteered to go over there and defend our country deserve a huge round of thanks from everyone here. The mission of Let’s Say Thanks is to provide a way for individuals across the country to recognize U.S. troops stationed overseas. By submitting a message through this site you have the opportunity to send a free personalized postcard greeting to deployed servicemen and women. The postcards, depicting patriotic scenes and hometown images, were selected from a pool of entries from children across the country. All you have to do is click on your favorite design and either select the message that best expresses your sentiment or draft a personal note. The postcards are then printed on the Xerox iGen3® Digital Production Press and mailed in care packages by military support organization Give2TheTroops®. It takes less than 30 seconds to do this. Give a smile to someone deployed overseas who won’t be able to see their family this holiday season and let them know you appreciate them.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Ah Cancer, the homebody of the zodiac. If there’s anything you love more than feathering your lovely nest, well I don’t know what it is. Thanks to the internet, you can stay warm and cozy at home, make some hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, and fire up the computer to go straight to A BetamaXmas. Thank you, whoever set this up. Basically it’s a website designed to look like an old rabbit-ears set playing old Betamax tapes, shows clip after Youtube clip of Christmas specials, commercials and holiday-themed episodes of television shows, all circa 20-25 years ago. Adjust the rabbit ears to get that perfect ‘grainy’ look.” Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring!! (Thanks Barry R for this tip! Also thanks to BoingBoing and Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish!)

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Speaking of Xmas TV, thanks to Cynthia Turner’s Cynopsis, I read this week that The iconic holiday Yule Log is back via iN DEMAND Networks …. iN DEMAND has jazzed up the Yule Log, which originated in 1966, by producing a hi-def version with crackling sound effects… Viewers may choose the Yule Log offered by WGN America as the network will air Yule Log: The Golden Age of Christmas over nine hours beginning December 24 at 9p through 6a on December 25. This Yule Log footage uses the fireplace of Colonel McCormick, the former Tribune Company President and Editor/Publisher of the Chicago Tribune, from his office at Tribune Tower in Chicago. This commercial-free holiday special will present classic radio programs such as It’s a Wonderful Life, Burns & Allen and Fibber McGee & Molly and more. All the Leos I know are suckers for tradition, so I figured if you don’t have a fireplace and a real yule log crackling away, you might want to turn on what my mother still calls the idiot box, relax with the video yule log, and toss back some spiked egg nog.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
Virgos are detail freaks. Therefore I feel safe in assuming you’ve been wondering for years what the real story is behind the Motown Christmas Album (I know I have). Artie Wayne tells it like it was here and it’s beyond fascinating. My favorite part is when Artie and George Clinton throw Ivory Snow flakes around the office in the middle of summer to get in the Christmas mood so they can write a song for the album. Who sang that song on the record? None other than Michael Jackson. You can hear it here too. Also, assuming you’ve been good for goodness’ sake, treat yourself to Christmas Music Videos for 2008 chosen by Mr. Wayne.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Imagine this, mon Libran ami; caramello al sale gelato. Yes, salt carmel; with pink salt from the Himalayas, a sea salt of fossil origin that does not have the typical iodine flavor of normal sea salts. By the way,  this fantastic product is not refined in any way and its typical color comes from its high iron content. Five different people, none of whom knew each other, told me that Grom has the best ice cream they’ve ever tasted. Hence an excavation was made with Friend Judy last weekend and I am here to testify that no one lied.  Grom opened their first store in Turin, Italy in 2003 and achieved instant success. They have two locations in Manhattan, in the village and on the upper west side, as well as one in Paris and several in Italy. Allow me to quote the great Gael Greene from her brilliant ice cream manifesto in New York Magazine, Grown-ups who never eat ice cream are instantly suspect. They probably hate sand, sleep in pajamas, never eat spare-ribs, and kiss with their mouths closed. What are they trying to hide?

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
I don’t know a single Scorpio who doesn’t love to party, stay out late, gyrate on the dance floor, and like that. So I would like you to pause for a moment of silence for Elmer Valentine, who died this week. Valentine was a Chicago policeman who left the Windy City back in the Swinging 60’s and opened the Whisky a Go Go on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood. The club became legendary, hosting musical performances by the likes of The Who, the Byrds, (house band) the Doors, the Kinks, and others. The Beatles made it their first stop when they played L.A. in 1964. Plus all that, this club was the first to suspend dancing go-go girls in cages.  This proved so popular that it was copied all over the world. One of the dancers designed the official go-go girl costume of fringed dress and white boots.

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
If there’s one thing that can draw a Sagittarian in, it’s the promise of a whole bunch of awesome information about Deep Soul Music. At least this is the case with the ones I know. I doff my hat to Sir Shambling, who is a man of a certain age whose passion for most forms of black music, especially soul and R & B, extends back over 35 years. During that time he has amassed a record collection of around 25,000 items, all lovingly cared for and indexed in the normal anally retentive fashion. He has contributed to a huge number of reissue LPs and CDs by way of info, record lending and compilation work, and has annotated about 300 of them. This glorious obsession was funded by his day job as the CEO of a low-rent housing organization, from which he has recently retired. Sir Shambling’s Deep Soul Haven is a lovely stop on the information superhighway and don’t be surprised if you lose all track of time. Listen to MP3’s. Read tons of fascinating articles. (Thank you Very Short List for this yummy tidbit)

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
It was all over the news this week that astronomers have figured out by the position of the stars and planets at Jesus’ birth that he was most likely born in June, not December. Be that as it may, he’s still the Capricorn With The Mostest. And once upon a time, there was a rock opera called Jesus Christ Superstar written by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber. I recently remembered how brilliant this soundtrack was (even more so back in the arid early 1970’s) and downloaded that puppy from iTunes. $19.99 later (it was a double album, hence the price) it’s the only thing I’ve been bopping to all week. Even though it’s really about Jesus’ final days and his betrayal by J. Iscariot, it catapults me smack dab into the Christmas spirit immediately. What a great record! Not one clunker on here; the music is phenomenal; and whatever happened to Yvonne Elliman? And the lyrics continue to amaze and delight: Tell me what you think about your friends at the top / Now who d’you think besides yourself was the pick of the crop? / Buddah was he where it’s at; is he where you are? / Could Mohamed move a mountain or was that just PR? My new favorite calm-down method is to listen to Everything’s Alright while on the subway. I double-dog dare you not to immediately feel better while listening to this song.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
While your Aries friends are making their Santa Lucia crowns for tomorrow, you Aquarians can dress up as Santa for the Annual Santacon! Check for your location here, but if you’re in NYC the big day is tomorrow, Dec. 13. What is Santacon, you ask?  SantaCon is a not-for-profit, non-political, non-religious & non-logical Santa Claus convention, organized and attended for absolutely no reason. The Santacon in New York City starts at 10am sharp on Saturday; location to be announced here tonight (Friday) at 10pm. And here are the rules: Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist. Just don’t wear your fucking jeans. Talk about a don’t-miss! (Thanks Lisa Z for this tip!)

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Have I got an independent bookstore for you!  I know the Piscean soul longs for complete and utter freedom. So I know you’ll dig Bluestockings, a radical bookstore, fair trade café, and activist center in Manhattan’s Lower East Side. Bluestockings carries over 6000 titles on topics such as queer and gender studies, global capitalism, feminism, police and prisons, democracy studies, and black liberation. You can also find some good ‘ole smutty fiction. They also carry magazines, zines, journals, alternative menstrual products and other oddly hard-to-find good things. In addition to all that, they host readings, workshops, performances, discussions and films almost every night. Visit their events calendar for details on upcoming events, and when visiting the store, take a look at the community bulletin board to learn about other events happening around the city. And stop in to the café to pick up some fair trade, vegan, organic goodness! Next Tuesday, December 16th at 7pm – Naomi Wolf reads from Give Me Liberty: A Handbook for American Revolutionaries, her practical and passionate book which challenges us to reinvigorate American democracy and reminds us that we, the ordinary citizens, must take action to restore the promise of this nation.


March 21 - April 19 Aries

Blazing Tomato Chutney. There. I said it. If I know Aries, and I think I do, the color alone will attract your eye. And you can buy this elixir and others from Beth’s Farm Kitchen, which I stumbled upon recently at a Green Market on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. According to their website, the magic happens in a 1850’s farmhouse in Columbia County in New York State. All of the fruit used in their chutneys and jams is grown locally or regionally. Beth and friends started in 1981 with strawberry jam and have since developed over 90 flavors. Visit them at one of the many green markets around the city, or buy online and choose from jams, marmalades, fruit spreads, chutneys, jellies, and relishes. Indulge both your sweet tooth and your savory tooth.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
May 13, 1964 is the birthdate of a Taurean that we’ve all come to know and love in the last few years, I’m speaking here of Stephen Tyrone Colbert. Has it really been three years since the launch of The Colbert Report? And I ask you, Nation, is there any better use of your time between 11:30 and midnight every week night? I think not. The redoubtable Mr. C. brings us his twisted holiday special 10pm on Sunday night, November 23 on Comedy Central. A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! is described by S.C. as “the greatest newsman-hosted holiday Christmas special since ‘A Walter Cronkite Tet Offensive’.” With special guests Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, Elvis Costello, John Legend, and Jon Stewart, Colbert will no doubt rock us around the Christmas tree in his snarky, lovable way. And if you miss it or you want to remember it forever digitally, the program is issued on November 25 on DVD with extra features: a book burning Yule log, video advent calendar, alternate endings and more. Thank you Santa Colbert!

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
Now that we’re hurtling full speed ahead into that time of year where Halloween has morphed into Thanksgiving and we’re suddenly staring slack-jawed into the aforementioned Christmas abyss, may I suggest a trip to American Celebration on Parade in Shenandoah, Virginia. The Gemini appetite for nostalgia will go into overdrive here. From their website: Thrilling visitors from around the world, Shenandoah Caverns is the only cavern in Virginia with elevator service. Explorers of every age and ability will discover an underground world of wonder. Yes, you can spelunk yourself into a frenzy here and also wax mondo patriotic with the nation’s premier parade float exhibition featuring spectacular parade floats from the Rose Parade, Presidential Inaugurals, the Miss America Parade, the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and more. In case you ever wondered where those parade floats go when the party’s over. The very existence of this place prompts me to quote Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous couplet: The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings. N’est-ce pas?

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Our indie bookstore this week is Tome on the Range in Las Vegas, New Mexico. Where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day. Tome on the Range is a general interest book store housed in an old Victorian building in the small town of Las Vegas, 65 miles east of Santa Fe on I-25. The town itself is worth a visit for its many historic railroad-era houses and commercial buildings, over 900 of which are listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Moonchild, I know you’re fascinated by historical trivia, so listen up. Fact: Most of No Country for Old Men was filmed here; and this is the location of the surreal parade in Easy Rider where Fonda and Nicholson are arrested for ‘parading without a permit.’ Right across the street from Tome on the Range is their sister store, 2nd Tome Around, which sells used books and has a café. Coffee, tea, snacks, books, and wireless internet. Does it get any better than that?

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Are you aware that there are three men in their twenties currently walking across England, traveling without any money and relying on strangers that they meet for hospitality? I’m telling you this, Leo, because I know that deep down you’re the adventurous type who could completely envision yourself doing the same. The Guardian’s Will Hodginkson documents their walkabout here. Three years ago this intrepid trio decided to find out if they could leave home sans cash or cellphones and travel the length of Great Britain by foot. To date they’ve logged three trips of this nature. Quoth one of the three, “People respond to the mythic aspect, that dream of England, of being in the woods and living close to the earth.” They literally sing for their supper in pubs and village greens, their set list consisting of traditional English folk songs. “People ask us why we’re doing this, and we don’t really have an answer. Are we trying to save the world, or become famous, or pretend to be Robin Hood? We don’t know. But there’s one thing that we’ve learned about this life that we’d like to share: it’s much easier than you think.”

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
This week’s blog is Mark Blankenship’s The Critical Condition. I’m putting it under Virgo because Virgos tend to be a little hypercritical sometimes and you’d totally dig Mark B’s mindset. Blankenship had an epiphany in 1999 that made him realize he wanted to document the many twists and turns of pop culture as a critic. He went on to get a Master’s Degree at the Yale School of Drama and became a writer for The New York Times, Variety, and the Village Voice. In the blog, nothing is sacred; from reality shows to classic cinema, Mark weighs in on all. On Brothers and Sisters: TV drama keeps disappointing me. Dirty Sexy Money is crappy this year, and the nation agrees that Heroes is flailing like a beetle on its back. And now another great series has gone down in flames. Brothers and Sisters has become subpar. On Journey (as in Steve Perry): Were Journey the stealth geniuses of eighties music? It seems like everybody likes them, or at least nobody hates them, which is saying a lot. There’s just something about Steve Perry’s voice that defies mockery, you know? You can joke about his tight-tight jeans and his mullet, but his voice? Don’t do it, homeslice. That shit is gold. I think I’ve made my point. Visit The Critical Condition early and often. And dig Mark’s new hip-hop video, Silence (of the Lambs).

September 23 - October 22 Libra
The sophisticated, urbane Libran will no doubt thoroughly enjoy a meal at Lorenzo’s Restaurant in Trenton, New Jersey. Get there a little early and have a scotch (neat) at the 200 year old historic bar, New Jersey Elites Favorite per their website. Lorenzo’s is the oldest restaurant in Trenton and the ultimate in fine dining in NJ’s Mercer County. Mangia! Don’t miss the stuffed mushrooms or the garlic bread. The pasta? Si! The steaks? Succulento! Family owned and operated since 1922, Lorenzo’s was established by Peter Lorenzo, great uncle of the current proprietor. Mr. Lorenzo was a Trenton police officer and also the leader of the local Italian American Democratic Committee. Located directly across from the Trenton train station and easily reachable from both Philadelphia and New York City, this is a scene you really must make. Oh, yeah. Prego.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
He’s back!! You know who I’m talking about. After such a long drought I can’t even discuss it, Mr. Stressbucket himself, Mr. No-Sleep, Mr. Conspiracy, Mr. Crazy Eyes, is going to be back for a 2 hour “special event” on Sunday night November 23 – 24: Redemption. After much thought I decided that the fictional character of Jack Bauer would be a perfect Scorpio. He’s driven, determined, magnetic, and obsessive. Kiefer Sutherland’s Jack Bauer is the undisputed Master of Disaster.  Check out this page of pithy show quotes by Our Hero. Read his profile and learn why he’s the Lone Wolf crusading out there for justice. This special is a prequel to Season 7 which will start in January. A little taste of Mad Jack to whet our appetite for the new year. Mmmmm. I’m ready. Bring it on!

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
November 22, 1968 was the date of release for the Beatles’ White Album. 40 years ago tomorrow. Making the double album set a Sagittarius. Thank you Artie Wayne for reminding me about this great event. And, O Best Beloved, this was back in the days when double albums meant you got twice as much fantastic music, not an excuse to dump filler tracks on the public. Watch the top 10 videos from the White Album here. Read Kent Kotal’s fascinating song-by-song dissection of The White Album here, Side 1, Side 2, Side 3, and Side 4. Kent is joined by noted Beatles historian Bruce Spizer, author of The Beatles on Apple Records.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn

The internets has brung us many many splendid things since its inception, am I right Capricorn folks? It never ceases to delight and amaze. Like when I stumbled upon this website for the Essex Mountain Sanatorium. This scary behemoth of a building complex once crouched on a piece of land in Verona, New Jersey. It was established in 1873 as The Newark City Home on property which is today part of Verona High School. In 1917 it became a sanitorium for the vast number of local victims of tuberculosis. In the 1970’s it was also used to care for the overflow of mental patients from the Overbook psychiatric hospital in nearby Cedar Grove. When tuberculosis was eradicated in the late 70’s, the sanitorium closed its doors forever. In 1982 Essex County locked the gates to the property. Of course that wasn’t the end of the story and this website meticulously documents the history of this castle of extreme sadness, with photos and floor plans, hauntings, and memories from patients and their families. In May 2002, after the final demolition of the few buildings which remained, the land was appropriated by the Essex County Parks System. Read all about it and, if you’re so inclined, you can even buy some crazy merch here.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Mary Martin was famous for the role of Peter Pan on Broadway in the 1950’s. The production was later filmed for television. Cyril Ritchard was Captain James Hook, and Sondra Lee was the Indian princess with a Brooklyn accent, Tiger Lily. In case you don’t know the story, Peter Pan (with his free spirit, methinks he was quite possibly an Aquarius) is the boy who refuses to grow up and lives on the island of Never Never Land (address: 2nd star to the right and straight on ‘till morning). One night, Peter ends up in the London nursery of Wendy Darling and her two brothers Michael and John. Long story short, Wendy becomes the mother to all the Lost Boys (children who fell out of their carriages in Kensington Gardens and went to Never Never Land with Peter). They share the island with Tiger Lily’s Indian tribe and are constantly menaced by a gang of pirates who want to capture Wendy to be their mother. Captain Hook is the most layered character, at one point rallying his crew to sing a tarantella and then grousing, “No little children love me. I’m told they play at Peter Pan and the strongest always chooses to be Peter. They force the baby to be Hook.” Big ragged sigh. “The baby!” The music is staggeringly great. Watch the trailer. Buy the DVD. Buy the soundtrack. And read James Barrie’s original book.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Our Pisces of the Week is the formidable Joe Franklin, born March 19, 1926 in the Bronx. Franklin, known as the King of Nostalgia, hosted the first television talk show, and continues to this day as a popular radio personality. I recently met Mr. Franklin in person and I hope to be even half as spry at his age. According to Wikipedia, he has an encyclopedic knowledge of the music, musicians and singers, Broadway stage shows,  films and entertainment stars of the first half of the 20th Century. He is also an acknowledged authority on silent film and owns the largest private sheet music collection in the world. His career began at the age of 16 as a record picker for the radio program Make Believe Ballroom.  His own idols, as he often told television viewers, were Al Jolson, whom he literally “followed around” as a teenager in New York, and Eddie Cantor, who eventually began buying jokes from the young Franklin and whose Carnegie Hall show Franklin later produced. He currently interviews celebrities on the Bloomberg Radio Network and podcasts are available at Bloomberg.com. During his 43-year TV run, he interviewed over 10,000 guests.  Guests ranged from novelty performers like Tiny Tim and Morris Katz to legends like Bing Crosby, Charlie Chaplin, John Wayne, Marilyn Monroe, Cary Grant, John Lennon, Woody Allen, Barbra Streisand, and Frank Sinatra.

March 21 - April 19 Aries
There’s nothing that would behoove you adventurous Aries folks more than a weekend midnight movie at the IFC Center in Greenwich Village. August 8 and 9 you can scope George Axelrod’s 1966 classic Lord Love A Duck starring a wickedly satirical Roddy McDowell and sweet young blonde Tuesday Weld. Let’s just say that Weld starts off as an innocent, shy teenage girl who wants to be popular and ends up as a movie star in Bikini Widow. That should be enough to get you into the theater tonight or tomorrow at midnight. The series continues every weekend through September 27 and ends with Roger Corman’s granddaddy of counterculture genius, The Trip (written by Jack Nicholson). The entire schedule is here.

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
Famed Taurean William Shakespeare once wrote: Summer’s lease hath all too short a date. To paraphrase: it’s August, bitches! Get your stubborn Taurus behind out there into the world and take in some fresh air, even if it is heavy with humidity. You’ll wish you had done so come wintertime when the air is freezing cold and hurts when you breathe. Move it and shake it, yo ~ before the ice age moves in on us and takes permanent residence like on that scary episode of the Twilight Zone.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
Your dual nature will no doubt thrill to the news that David Byrne and Brian Eno have collaborated again for the first time in 30 years - and that’s gotta be cool. Everything That Happens Will Happen Today is released August 18th but you can download a free copy of one of the songs, Strange Overtones, here. A tour will commence on September 16th in Bethlehem, Pa.

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
One of my favorite crab people is Artie Wayne, who is and has been a songwriter, singer, producer, concert promoter, publisher, restaurant host and more during his storied career. He’s also a refreshing stop in the increasingly crowded blogosphere where he shares way cool finds like Simon and Garfunkel performing Sounds of Silence acoustically live on television; The Mighty Quinn by the awesomely underrated Manfred Mann; Society’s Child by shy, sixteen year old Janis Ian; and John, You’ve Gone Too Far This Time by Rainbo (AKA Sissy Spacek prior to her acting career!). AW is apparently working on a book about the music business – sign me up for that one, Amazon!

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Happy Birthday Leo guys and dolls! Yes, Teri, that means YOU! A great way to celebrate your birthday weekend is to crank up the dials to WFMU FM which is celebrating 50 years on the air today through Sunday. And don’t think you can’t listen because you don’t live in the area. Au contraire ma cherie ~ WFMU streams live on the web 24/7! Legendary DJ’s from years past will be dropping in all weekend to help celebrate – including Wildgirl, Vin Scelsa, and Danny Fields! Even the Hound will be back, Saturday August 9 between 3 and 6pm.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
I know you Virgos are very concerned with not acting old – as are we all. Please to rejoice in HowNotToActOld.com which has loads of tips on how to not give away your age, assuming you’re older than Paris Hilton (who still qualifies as young). Writer Pamela Redmond Satran has written 14 books including 5 novels, and 8 bestselling baby-naming books coauthored with Linda Rosenkrantz. Besides her blog, she also writes for the Huffington Post and has a new book out called 1000 Ways To Be A Slightly Better Woman.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Librans can satisfy their insatiable need for great documentary films this summer with HBO’s terrific weekly series which started in June with Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired. Even though it has appeared that Showtime has kicked HBO’s ass this year on drama series, I’m here to tell you that these documentaries make for great television. Last week, Baghdad High showed us what it’s like to be a teenager in Iraq where a daily commute to school is fraught with roadside bombings. Quel teenage wasteland! Every Monday night at 9pm through August 25th a new film is shown. Pop some corn and settle down to leave your world for the duration.

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio
It’s about time, Scorpio cats n kittens – your basest selves will thrill to the newly opened Erotic Heritage Museum in (where else?) Las Vegas, Nevada. Over 24,000 square feet of permanent and featured exhibits pay tribute to the world of erotica. The Museum opened its legs, I mean, doors to the world on August 3rd and seeks to bridge the gap between that which is commercial and often misidentified as pornographic. No doubt Jesse Helms will be turning in his grave.

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
Sagittarians know from crazy crazy love. Therefore this week’s download is targeted to our self-indulgent, sociable, flirtatious centaur friends. The song is Bernadette by the Four Tops and is a testament to complete and utter jealousy and obsession. This 1967 Motown hit was produced by Holland-Dozier-Holland and recorded at Hitsville USA. The stellar lead vocal is of course by the unbelievable Levi Stubbs. Listen to the raw urgency in his voice as he cries, Bernadette! They want you because of the pride that it gives; But Bernadette, I want you because I need you to live.

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
In honor of a Capricorn born on January 8, 1935 in Tupelo, Mississippi, I’m speaking of course of Elvis Aaron Presley here, I urge you to visit the 24 Hour Church of Elvis. Here in this pocket of madness on the internets you can purchase refrigerator magnets, stickers, pins, t-shirts, calendars, etc. etc. etc. Proprietor Stephanie G. Pierce has run this establishment since 1985 in Portland, Oregon. There used to be a physical store where weddings were performed, but that’s closed for the moment. In the meantime, flat top cats and dungaree dolls can celebrate The King with a refrigerator magnet.

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Our Aquarian of the Week is – yes – Paris Hilton. Girlfriend fired back a hysterical response to John McCain’s Britney/Paris/Obama TV ad from last week. Paris lounges in a leopard bikini as she explains her own energy policy to us (surprise, it’s pretty frickin’ awesome). Quoth Ms. Hilton: “That wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I’m running for President. So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude. . . I want America to know that I’m like, totally ready to lead.” Even her parents, who contributed $Hilton$ money to McCain, were horrified by his tasteless ad which compares Obama’s celebrity to that of their daughter and Britney Spears.

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
Fish People, here’s a novel you can curl up in for the entire month of August and read your brains out. Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts is the largely autobiographical tale of Roberts, who escapes after two years in an Australian prison where he had been jailed for a series of armed robberies performed when he was a heroin addict. He arrives in Bombay with an assumed name and forged papers and luckily meets a street guide who becomes his bridge to an entirely new world. That’s only the beginning; I’m still reading it. The book is so large and heavy it could conceivably be used as a weapon. Fall into this fascinating world like it was a gorgeous colorful silken pillow.