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A year ago this week, the American people went to the polls to vote in the Presidential Election. And in record numbers, a true democratic majority elected Barack Hussein Obama to be our President. All the mud thrown at him - when push came to shove - did not stick. Even now, I’m still thrilled. When I’m having a bad day, I remember, oh yes, yes we did. Which proves that we can, whenever we have a mind to.

We dodged a really scary bullet that day - the chance, however slim, that Sarah Palin would be riding shotgun to the next President of the United States. Forgive the gun metaphors but it’s actually eerily appropriate for this moose-killin’ mama, the Thrilla from Wasilla.

The Daily Beast has uncovered the speeches Palin longed to make the night of the Election - both her planned concession speech and her planned victory speech. It’s really worth a read. The speeches (and more details) are fully covered in the new book Sarah from Alaska: The Sudden Rise and Brutal Education of a New Conservative Superstar by Scott Conroy and Shusannah Walshe.

And that’s my Way Cool Item of the Day.

Bill Hicks once opined (and I agree): Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. That being said, the fact is that dramatic moments of all shapes and sizes were played out this year on the small screen, from the sublime to the ridiculous (most of it being more in the latter category). The year began with the writers’ strike which went on for about ten million years and impacted our lives in all kinds of ways. After a Busboy drought (no Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert) the daring duo returned to the screen early in the year sans writers – and, surprise surprise, were pretty much as hilarious and entertaining as ever.

The writers’ strike, among other things, ensured no new season of 24 would take place until 2009. I don’t know about you but I was fine with that decision; much as I missed Jack B’s constipated facial expressions (and sour-faced / annoying / but you gotta love her - sidekick Chloe) I was fine with not seeing a show this year where presidents were snuffed out. (And then we recently got a little taste of Warrior King JB on 24: Redemption to warm us up for next year)

The overwhelming TV presence this year was politics. But let’s get to that later. First I’d like to spotlight the best new show of the year, Alan Ball’s True Blood. Lip-smacking good. Here’s some fun; tonight (New Year’s Eve) you can catch a True Blood marathon on HBO 2 starting at 6pm. Bon Temps, Louisiana comes alive (in a manner of speaking) with this vampire romance between sweet telepathic Sookie (Anna Paquin) and sexy undead Bill (Stephen Moyer). Best characters: Sookie’s conflicted, demon-ridden, wisecracking best friend Tara (Rutina Wesley) and Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) as the coolest, cutest, freakiest, most interesting short order cook ever. What else would we expect from Alan Ball, who created Six Feet Under and wrote the film American Beauty.

Other great shows this year, in no particular order:
-Always necessary – The Daily Show, The Colbert Report. The Colbert Report’s week in Philadelphia covering the heated Pennsylvania primaries was outstanding. Colbert at the Liberty Bell telling the guide “Let me tongue the crack of liberty.” Colbert singing the National Anthem with John Legend, beautifully. Hillary Clinton fixing the digital screen in order to prove she can handle any crisis, only to have Obama appear on it soon afterward by satellite (Colbert: Won’t Senator Clinton be glad she fixed that).
-CBS Sunday Morning – for the most part, educational and entertaining (except when they go off on boring tangents).
-Gossip Girl – a moral drama of the highest order, with the consistently best dialogue of any show methinks. Remember Blair trying to keep her cool when meeting her mother’s new boyfriend for the first time; “I am Grace KellyGrace Kelly is me.”
-Lost – best moment so far in a show chockablock with great moments: Ben turning the frozen wheel that made the island disappear. Say what?!?!?!
-Ugly Betty – eye candy with a moral lesson thrown in. And love, love, love Marc St. James (Michael Urie), the bitchy but soft-hearted assistant to diva ediatrix Wilhemina Slater (Vanessa Williams). Another reason to watch; Betty’s younger brother Justin (Mark Indelicato). His best scene ever (Season 1) – acting out the play Hairspray to passengers on the subway. Receptionist Amanda (Becki Newton) also hits many high notes. This show is blessed by brilliant casting.
-30 Rock – All of a sudden it’s all about Tina Fey. Well my altar to her went up years ago when she broke into the boys club at SNL. I’ve been a fan of this show since the beginning, believing (and rightly so, it appears) that if Tina Fey created it, it must be golden. And then there’s Alec Baldwin. My dream man.
-The Soup – I don’t dare chance a weekend without a bowl of spicy soup from Joel McHale and his sick crew. What’s great about this show is that it is a collection of the best moments of all the worst TV shows. McHale’s banter makes me chortle. Although I am getting a little tired of mankini. And when is Spaghetti Cat getting his own spin-off?
-SNL – When they’re good, they’re very very good, and when they’re bad they’re horrid. Sometimes both in the same show. But consistently great (even in bad skits) are Andy Samberg, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Casey Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, and Kenan Thompson. Amy Poehler, girlfriend, I’m going to miss you! Of course SNL had a huge year with all of Tina Fey’s Palinizations and such, of which more later.
-Hardball with Chris Matthews – you want to hate him, and sometimes you do. But maybe it’s his Philadelphia accent (my hometown too), maybe it’s because when he gets excited about something he practically foams at the mouth, but he’s hugely entertaining and I logged many hours of this show during election season.
-Countdown with Keith Olbermann – sometimes it seemed as if his voice was the only one speaking truth to power this year. Although he did go overboard many a time. Still, I love him madly and he’s earned a place at the top of my must-see-TV list.
-The Rachel Maddow Show – she’s smart as a whip, cute, and engaging. Her interview last night with tainted Illinois Senatorial candidate Roland Burris was a don’t-miss and if you did miss it, check it out here.

I have not caught the train on these yet but I know I have to soon:
Mad Men
Battlestar Galactica
The Sarah Silverman Program

Really good shows on the fringes of my radar, to be further investigated:
The Office
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Cash Cab
Chelsea Lately
Dexter
Tracy Ullman’s State of the Union

Reality TV Rubbernecking:
-Project Runway – this year was not so great, but Tim Gunn always delivers. He’s like the teacher you always wanted to have in high school.
-The Pick Up Artist – unbelievably bizarre reality show where a guy in what looks to be a flea-bitten furry top hat who calls himself “Mystery” teaches a bunch of geeks how to score with hot chicks. Mystery has his own language which is endlessly entertaining, my favorite being DHV-ing. This means ‘demonstration of higher value’ – in other words you’re supposed to work DHV’s into your conversation with the babe you want to snag. It’s like a reality tv show in Bizarro World. And Mystery himself, purportedly the biggest catch on the planet, obviously has a hair loss thing going, always wearing strange head coverings. What’s with the goggles? Possibly weirder than him are the sad losers that hang onto his every word.
-America’s Next Top Model – Child! This show can come up with some fun moments. Like when Tyra lapses into ethnic phraseology. Or when she spontaneously bursts into song on lines like ‘noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker.’ Is it me or does everyone behind her (Paulina, Miss Jay, etc) squirm a bit when she does this? Love that Whitney, a plus-size model, won the top prize this year. Love that Isis, a transgender model, was part of the homegirl gang recently. Lady Miss Tyra marches on, dashing barriers right and left!
-Living Lohan – in which Dina Lohan shows us why she should have had her tubes tied prior to getting married.
-Sunset Tan – the best thing about this vacuous show was the Olly Girls (Holly and Molly), two platinum blonde airheads and former Girls Gone Wild. They were fired and…hired back. Because the producers know what makes for good (AKA bad) TV.
-Paris Hilton’s My New BFF – in yet another sign of the approaching apocalypse, this show went on the air in the fall. The winner was Brittany Flickinger (can that be someone’s real name?). Everyone’s favorite: Onch, the girlboy. Stalker material: Vanessa, the runner up. Wikipedia gives us a gorgeous chart which explains why each contestant was eliminated. (At the elimination ceremonies, Paris would gaze sadly at the ousted hopeful and dismiss them with “TTYN” – talk to you never).
-Rock of LoveSeason 2 of this unbelievably sick show began in January and ended in April with Bret Michaels, a R&R has-been if I have ever seen one (and talk about hair loss) choosing Ambre Lake from a bevy of skanks to be his (gag me) rock of love. This show never disappoints in complete and total ickiness. You practically contract a sexual disease from watching it. By the way, Ambre didn’t last – I know you’re as surprised as I am – Bret launches a new season of this trainwreck Sunday night January 4 with Rock of Love Bus. Apparently he hops between two busfulls of so-called hot mamas while touring.
-Rock of Love Charm School – in which Sharon Osbourne was the plucky headmistress to a bunch of losers from both seasons of Rock of Love. Although she’s supposed to be teaching them to become ladies, she’s got them dressing in sexy jailbait schoolgirl uniforms. Sharon’s great though. And this show provided many hilarious moments with Lacey, Rodeo, Megan, Heather and the gang.
-A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila – I crown this show to be the one most like licking an ashtray. It was positively rank. And why anyone would choose Bobby over Dani is beyond belief. Seriously! If Tila had chosen Dani, I like to think they’d be living together in Florida in semi-marital bliss. Notice you haven’t heard from Dani since the show ended, which has to be the true test of a real person versus a made for tv skank. I wont even bother to go there with the spinoff show Domenico did. Just the bits I saw on The Soup were enough for me.

2008 Randomizers:
-Ryan Seacrest. He’s everywhere. Why?
-Britney Spears. Starting the year with no hair, stabbing cars with umbrellas, ending it with cheese grits cooked over the stove by dad and big hits (fazed cookies too I bet).
-Lindsey Lohan. Apparently now a card-carrying member of the Daughters of Bilitis, big Obama supporter although she later referred to him as “colored” (ouch!), and the real story behind her episode arc on Ugly Betty may never be told.
-Rachael Ray’s never-was Dunkin Donuts commercial due to her wearing a ‘terrorist scarf’ that looked like something a crazy Muslim would wear. I ask you. Can you think of someone less American than Rachael Ray? Because I can’t.
-Word of the Year: Meme. According to Wikipedia, a meme comprises a unit or element of cultural ideas, symbols or practices; such units or elements transmit from one mind to another through speech, gestures, rituals, or other imitable phenomena. The etymology of the term relates to the Greek word mimema for mimic. Memes act as cultural analogues to genes in that they self-replicate and respond to selective pressures. Well trust me; its still the word of the year.

From The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

From: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Political Asylum TV:
During the long-ass American Idolatrous Popularity Contest between HRC and BHO, I logged about 3 hours of MSNBC almost every week night. If I wasn’t home, I taped it. This had never happened to me before; watching news in this fashion. All of which led me to really believe that the lanky, cool junior senator from Illinois who refused to play dirty could pull this thing off. After watching him for many months, and canvassing, and doing everything I could to get him elected, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind on November 4th that he would win. What I did not realize was that he would win so big.

Some real numbers:
-Voter turnout increased by more than 13 million people this year, compared to 2004.
-The Associated Press reported that 136.6 million Americans voted in the presidential election, which is a 64.1 percent turnout rate out of more than 208 million registered voters. What a concept; we’re actually acting like a democracy!

Some wonderful moments over the long road to El Casa Blanca:
-McCain ‘suspending’ his campaign and canceling on Letterman. No one will ever make that mistake again, n’est-ce pas?
-Hillary’s 3 AM wake up call commercial in which the phone rings about fifty times before some half-seen female with glasses answers it, meant to scare the bejesus out of us. Somehow I bet Obama would have answered it on the first or second ring.
-The never-ending discussion over the Bradley Factor keeping white voters from voting for a black candidate. No one talks about it now that we have the Obama Factor.
-John McCain’s insincere smile. It always looked to me like he was suddenly remembering to smile. And the body language between him and Cindy was – well I am not going to go there.
-Cindy McCain’s plagiarized cookie recipe.
-The so-called terrorist fist bump practiced by Barack and Michelle Obama onstage when he announced he was the presumptive nominee.
-John McCain’s confusion about how many houses he owns. And cars! Must be fun to be that rich.
-The debates – McCain wandering around onstage and getting in Tom Brokaw’s camera shot.
-Joe the Plumber, the everyman that was suddenly world famous thanks to McCain, and turned out not to even be a plumber, owed back taxes, had newsmen camping on his lawn, and got a book deal. I’m waiting for the reality TV show. (Hey Joe, where you going with that plunger in your hand?)
-McCain and Palin stoking the fires of fear, ignorance, racism and violence at their sparsely attended campaign rallies trying to make Obama rhyme with Ayers. Trying to paint Obama as a scary unknown communist Muslim. And then McCain being surprised when a woman says she doesn’t trust Obama because he’s an Arab.

And then there’s Sarah Heath Palin. Oh the beauty of it. I doff my hat to McCain or whoever had the foresight to pick her as his running mate. Loyal readers will know that I have run on and on about this particular subject so I will only mention a few of my favorite things here:
-Her first moment in the spotlight, the RNC Speech where she you betcha-d her way into America’s heart. While daughter Piper studiously licked the hair on baby Trig’s head in the audience. While baby Trig was the special needs human football that had to be trotted out in the middle of that loud, germ-ridden arena so we could all admire SP’s motherly dedication to him. As that poor little thing slept through the whole shebang, unaware he was a symbol now and not a child.
-Her debate with Joe Biden. The May I call you Joe? moment where she tried to seem both vulnerable and charming behind the barracuda smile.
-The Charles Gibson interview where he asked if she believed in the Bush doctrine. After a long (for TV) pause where you know SP was frantically racking her brains for what the hell was he talking about, she quipped, ‘in what respect Charlie?” and a whole string of Charlie Charlie Charlie as if that would negate the fact that the emperor (empress in this case) had no clothes.
-The Team of Mavericks. The definition of maverick is an unbounded range animal, one who does not abide by rules. Okay then!
-Thanks but no thanks. The true story of the Bridge to Nowhere.
-Katie Couric trying to pin SP down as to what, if anything, she reads. And not succeeding.
-The turkey death clip that surfaced post election of Palin chattering away as turkeys are slaughtered directly behind her.
-Palin assuring us of her qualifications for a job one heartbeat away from the Presidency because she can see Russia from her house.
-Tina Fey out-Palining Palin and the classic moment when they switched places at the podum on SNL.

And then the final nail in the Bush coffin took place recently when an Iraqi journalist threw not one but both of his shoes at GWB during his farewell press conference in the green zone. Bush later shrugged it off saying, that’s what people do in a free society. Oh really? They throw shoes at world leaders to express their absolute horror, dislike and complete disdain?

From the ridiculous to the sublime… the best TV moment of the year was Barack Obama’s Election Night Speech at Grant Park. In which he said, Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long . . . As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends — though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too . . . And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

So ends my 2008 subjective diatribe about the year in television. I know I’ve run at the mouth quite a bit here. Feel free to comment away, and Happy New Year!

Corn and grain, corn and grain, All that falls shall rise again. ~ Wiccan Harvest Chant

A house is never still in darkness to those who listen intently; there is a whispering in distant chambers, an unearthly hand presses the snib of the window, the latch rises. ~ J.M. Barrie

Just like a ghost you’ve been a-hauntin’ my dreams, so I’ll propose on Halloween. Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you. ~ Classics IV, Spooky (1968)

‘Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. ~ William Shakespeare

purchase from: http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/mexicansugarskull/SkeletonFolkArt2.htm

click on this image to buy these amazing papier mache skulls!


March 21 - April 19 Aries

Aries people should find themselves in an extremely creative mood as All Hallows Eve approaches. Get yourself hopped up for Halloween by downloading the song Walking With a Ghost by Tegan & Sara, from their 2004 release So Jealous. You know you’re as likely to hear about music that’s four years old as four minutes or months old here on SDJ; my only criteria is that the song be amazing. Walking With a Ghost was later covered by the White Stripes because Jack White knows a hit when he hears one. Tegan & Sara, in case you don’t know, are diminutive singer-songwriter identical twin sisters from Calgary, Canada. Their most recent album, The Con, was released in July 2007 and a new one is planned for next year. Walking With a Ghost is perfect power pop, just over two and a half minutes in length, and the ethereal feeling of the song will haunt you. Boo!

April 20 - May 20 Taurus
You have a tendency to be indecisive, weighing all aspects carefully before making any decisions. Even when it’s something like – um – carving a jack-o’-lantern. This year you can create your bright orange masterpiece and at the same time declare for your Presidential candidate. Please visit yeswecarve.com and grab change by the stem. Today’s featured pumpkins include one reading VOTE (with the ‘O’ being the Obama symbol) and another one reading OOOBAMA! You can share your own Barack O’ Lantern by uploading a photo the site and perhaps win an iPod Nano; submit a Halloween themed Obama event; or watch this video and carve for change.

May 21 - June 20 Gemini
Your inner child is much closer to the surface than that of the other signs. Since this time of year is all about letting said inner child roam free, no matter what your age, I suggest you get in the mood by reading James Whitcomb Riley’s wonderful colloquial poem, Little Orphant Annie – aloud – and to a little person if possible. When I was a little girl, my grandfather used to read me this poem and make me both giggle with joy and gasp in horror. It’s about a servant who comes to work for a family and entertains the children with scary stories about goblins. Each verse has a moral tale to tell; a little boy who wouldn’t say his prayers gets snatched away; a little girl who makes fun of her elders is made to disappear. The final verse reiterates that kids should mind their parents and teachers and help those less fortunate, and it ends (as every stanza in the poem does):
‘Er the Gobble-uns ‘ll git you
Ef you
Don’t
Watch
Out!’

June 21 - July 22 Cancer
Cancer folks are homebodies; nothing is more enticing to you than a warm, comfortable evening at home. And speaking of homes, mayhap you missed this wonderful piece in The New York Times a few months ago about The Pumpkin House. The Pumpkin House resides just north of the George Washington Bridge at 186th Street and Chittenden Avenue in Manhattan. It’s a three story brick house perched on a cliff which is the highest point in New York City. The best view of the house can be seen on the Circle Line as it passes by on the Hudson River. The house was originally built in 1925 by Cleveland Walcutt – a full two years before construction even started on the GWB. The nickname of the house is due to the fact that the lighted windows make it look like a carved pumpkin, even more so the case at sunset.

July 23 - August 22 Leo
Leos are ambitious, warm-hearted, and idealistic. Dare I posit that you might be an occasional Martha Stewart viewer, n’est-ce pas? And by any chance did you happen to catch the visit of Noah Scalin to Ms. Stewart’s show, he of the marvelous Skull-A-Day website? It’s really worth watching, especially when Martha takes a bite of his skull-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (Noah: “It’s better because it’s skull shaped”). I just never thought of Martha as a skull person, but perhaps that’s just me. Skull-A-Day was born when Noah decided in June 2007 to craft a skull a day for a year out of everything from rice to toy soldiers to toothpaste. Skull-A-Day’s 2.0 version welcomes submissions from readers and also sells skull puzzles, skull cubes, and a great book about the project. In addition you can now download two free Skullphabet fonts.

August 23 - September 22 Virgo
Your critical nature often intervenes when you’re trying to have fun, O Virgo. But because it’s the season of Ghouls and Goblins, it’s fine to let down thy hair and leap about madly. It’s the one time a year in your buttoned-up life you can do this and feel good about it! How about decorating the house in complete and utter Halloweenity? It’s not too late to visit Pushin Daises and place a rush order. Put the fun back in funeral with this totally sick site created by licensed funeral director Catherine, aka Cadaver Cat. “Being a funeral director and having some computer skills, I decided to merge the two together to create a fun, online store for funeral service professionals,” quoth Cat. Featured products include coffin earrings in blood red garnet, a hearse cookie cutter, a day of the dead skeleton garland, and an anatomically correct chocolate human heart. All ordered items will be immediately shipped in a coffin-shaped box.

September 23 - October 22 Libra
Librans are by nature gregarious creatures and hate to be alone. And on Halloween, depending on where you live, the little ‘uns are going to come a-knockin’. This year surprise them and their parents with vegan candy corn. Yes, seriously. The Urban Housewife has come up with a recipe for candy corn sans animal products, beeswax, and other icky stuff like high fructose corn syrup that’s in the regular store-bought kind. There’s just nothing that says Halloween more than bright orange and yellow candy corn. Our witch and wizard hats are off to The Urban Housewife who by her own admission is all about rock ‘n’ roll & a mixing bowl. Trick or treat!

October 23 - November 21 Scorpio

The word insatiable describes you to a T. You want to do everything and be everywhere. Scorpio, thy name is rapacious. And the blessed holiday of All Hallows Eve falls within your astrological sign. So too Dias de los Muertos – Day of the Dead. Celebrated mostly in Mexico, this holiday honors those who have passed from this life and are now in the next world. The ceremonies take place on November 1st and 2nd and date back to Aztec and Mayan times and even further back than those cultures. In some areas of the country, people honor their relatives by spending all night beside their graves. Traditional foods for the holiday include sugar skulls and an egg bread made to look like bones called pan de muerto.

November 22 - December 21 Sagittarius
Sagittarians answer to no man (or woman). You’re the very picture of a free spirit. You even like scary movies, of which there are plenty opening these days. Go see Saw V, Quarantine, The Strangers. But when you come home at night with your honey and get all snuggly, imagine the look on his/her face when you romantically light these candles and, as they burn, appear to drip blood rather than wax. You know you have to order them. Now. For next weekend. Vite!

December 22 - January 19 Capricorn
Workaholic, patient, driven, disciplined – you Capricorns are all these things and more. Hey, how about releasing your inner Sarah Palin this year for Halloween and dress up like Alaska’s favorite Moose-Hunting Hottie?  Or – go all blue collar and put together an outfit that could conjure up either Joe the Plumber or Joe Six-Pack (hey by the way, are they the same person? I haven’t been able to figure that out). You wouldn’t even have to buy a costume to turn yourself into Joe; just a t-shirt and jeans that show the crack of your ass when you stoop over to pick up some candy to put in your workpail. Carry a plunger to make it look even more authentic. Thanks, Senator McCain, for creating the easiest and cheapest Halloween costume ever!

January 20 - February 18 Aquarius
Aquarians are creative, independent, and fascinated by crazy weird things. Well there’s no better place for you to be for this particular holiday than New Orleans. Parapsychologist Dr. Larry Montz calls the city “the most haunted city in America, per square inch, no doubt.” Read about some of the more haunted places in town here. Go on a haunted tour. Visit the voodoo shops in the French Quarter and buy amulets to protect yourself against evil spirits. Get yourself dolled up for The Queen of the Damned Ball on Friday Oct. 31 at Rosy’s Jazz Hall. Word has it that Lestat attends every year – in costume. There’s also the Krewe of Boo Parade, starting Halloween Night at around 6pm at Elysian Fields and Decatur. Read all about more NOLA festivities here. C’est si bon!

February 19 - March 20 Pisces
A true Piscean soul constantly battles between going towards the light or seeking the darkness. Well, find the darkest places listed here for your convenience at Haunted-Places.com, a Haunted Places Directory. You can find a state-by-state listing of current paranormal activity, true life haunting stories, ghost hunting equipment, paranormal certification courses, and more. Plus you can buy the National Directory of Haunted Places or the International Directory of Haunted Places – there’s a discount if you want to pick both up. They also sell the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Ghosts and Hauntings. And hey – this website won the Paracelsus Award given by the Alchemy Guild. That’s good enough for me.

Alaska

Well, doggone it, the shee-it has finally hit the fan. Little Miss Trustworthy, AKA The Spitfire from Seward’s Folly, is now the subject of a report by an Alaska legislative panel regarding the dismissal of Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan. Monegan told the panel that he was fired because he refused to dismiss Palin’s ex-brother-in-law, state trooper Mike Wooten, after undue pressure from Mr. Sarah Palin and Palin’s staff.

This news hit the wires last night around 8pm Eastern time and has the potential to be a real gamechanger in the final days before Americans cast their ballots for President of the United States. The bipartisan panel (10 Republicans, 4 Democrats) stated in no uncertain terms that Palin abused her power as governor in the Monegan situation. She was found to be in violation of a state ethics law against officials using a public office for personal gain.

Let me state for the record that the dismissal of Monegan was not the problem; it was that Palin violated a statute of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act by having her husband become a veritable attack dog using her office and her advisors in trying to have Wooten fired. Monegan reported that he was contacted 36 times in this regard over a period of 19 months.

Dear Readers, I thought I was pretty much done with the Palinisms and was ready to move on with my life, but this news just - shall we say - tickled my fancy to the extent that I had to weigh in on it. I mean, here’s the GOP’s VP Candidate telling crowds that Obama is consorting with terrorists and inferring that he is unpatriotic and un-American. And meanwhile she’s got a scandal brewing that sets all that trumped-up malarkey to shame for good and all. You betcha!

Now on the subject of McPain; who among us didn’t wince during last week’s debate as he doddered around the perimeter of the stage like a - forgive me - crazy old man? I mean do you seriously want this guy to be in charge? This guy hired for the most difficult job in the world? And, ouch, what was that weird moment where he lashed out at Tom Brokaw in that snide way he has, “Not you, Tom.”

McShame and his aide-de-camp La Barracuda have knowingly fanned the fires of racism, hate, and violence with their negative campaigning and attack ads. Rather than campaign on the issues - which they can’t do - they sling the mud over and over again and imply that Obama is both a Washington insider elite Harvard type argula-eater and also an outsider, as un-American as it is possible to be. Plus his skin is black. Oh the horror!

At a rally last night, McCain actually was forced in the position of having to defend Obama as someone Americans do not need to be frightened of when a man stood up and said he was afraid for the life of his unborn child if the Illinois Democrat became President. At the same rally, a woman in the audience told him that Obama was an Arab, and McCain actually took the mike away from her and said this was not true, that Senator Obama is a decent, family man with whom he disagrees on many fundamental issues.

This is rich! McFeign and Que Sera, Sarah created this atmosphere and now McCain, at least, is backing off because he suddenly seems to realize that it’s about to blow up in his face. Rile up unhappy broke people at your peril, sir. They’re looking for anyone to blame. And they’ve been shouting heinous epithets like ‘Kill him!’ and ‘He’s a terrorist!‘ at rallies this entire week. Thanks to you and your nefarious McCampaign.

Yes, Senator John Sidney McCain III, we do need a steady hand at the tiller. But yours is most definitely not steady. And Palin’s hand should be nowhere near the tiller. God only knows in which direction she would steer the boat.

++++++++++++++++++++

More Palinizations from Snoop* Du Jour:

Post-Debate Palintological Observations (10.6.08)

In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire, Hurricanes Hardly Happen (10.1.08)

There’s No Place Like Nome…There’s No Place Like Nome (9.28.08)

Welcome to the Palindrome (9.24.08)

Que Sera, Sarah? (9.19.08)

Baked Alaska (Ruminations on McPalin) (9.15.08)

Sarah Palin sings a lament to a bridge she’s had a love-hate relationship with, in a tone of latter-day exotica. Brought to you by the good folks at MyDamnChannel.com.

Palin: Bridge to Nowhere

Sarah Palin and Joe Biden VP Debate

The VP Debate is over ~ the bells have chimed. And Lady Miss Sarah may now be possibly reprising the famous Ascot scene in My Fair Lady, after Eliza has been made over into an acceptably trained high society babe and allowed to mingle with the privileged class. Am I the only one who pictures Palin stamping a red high heel and yelling at her maverick principal, “Come on, McCain, move yer bloomin’ arse!”

Ah yes, the debate. Talk about must-see TV. Yes, she was bubbly, charming, engaging. She was the girl next door, she was the mom you sit next to at the hockey game, the mom who became the mayor, then the governor. Yet still just folks. Don’t forget, she and Todd have been in the middle class of America all of their lives – they know what it’s like to not have health insurance and also what it’s like to sit around a kitchen table.

The debate opened with both vice presidential candidates coming out of the wings and shaking hands, during which Palin revealed a frisson of nervousness while greeting Joe Biden amicably, “Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?” - simultaneously melting Republican hearts while attempting to dismiss and demean him. Totally scripted I’m sure, and completely brilliant. Let’s face it – they’re not exactly on a level playing field.

Was she cute? Yes. Was she funny? Yes. Was she perky? Yes. Was she friendly? Yes. Was she the person you want anywhere near the Nuclear Football? Gosh darn it – NO. Such is the stuff of nightmares.

Palin was a-bursting with platitudes and grand oversimplifications. If a question didn’t tickle her fancy, well, doggone it, she was just going to gloss right over it and go right back to the topic of energy. Because her state, Alaska, is an energy-producing state that snarky East Coast politicians want to legislate those silly regulations all over in order to preserve the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. Don’t forget, Joe Biden, the chant is “drill, baby, drill.”

I was profoundly depressed at first by the debate. I thought she did very well and she spoke in the obtuse and simplistic terms that (forgive me) Joe Six-Pack understands. But she had no substance, skirted hard questions, and blatantly refused to answer questions about things she knew nothing about, instead stubbornly sticking with her talking points and dissing Gwen Ifill. Sure, she gets an A for effort. For someone who went from a veritable cameo on Northern Exposure to a Vice Presidential debate in front of roughly 70 million people, she was phenomenal.

But you know what? I believe Mr. Six-Pack is a lot smarter and well informed than he was four years ago. Even though he may be a registered Republican, his son or daughter might be serving in Iraq and he has no idea when – or if – they will return home. He might now have had his job downsized and/or disappeared, had his pension cut drastically, or lost his home – or all of the above. He might have been bankrupted by health care costs that weren’t covered by his insurance.

The world is simply not the same as it was the last time delusional thinking folks like Mr. Six-Pack elected George Bush to a second term. People are smarter now and they have seen the little man with the Texas accent behind the curtain. And they’re sick and tired of living this way. They need change, real change – not the empty promises and banal clichés of these two so-called mavericks. Maverick my white ass ~

By the way, I’d like to tell you what the official definition of the word maverick actually is, according to the dictionary:

  1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it. [Possibly after Samuel Augustus Maverick (1803-1870), an American cattleman who left the calves in his herd unbranded.]
  2. One that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group; a dissenter.

I would like to plead the Fifth Amendment on the grounds that the first definition of maverick might tend to incriminate me with hysterical laughter. Um, perhaps not the best choice of words after all?

As for McCain, he both looks and acts like a character in Grumpy Old Men, sans the irascible lovableness of Walter Matthau. You can practically smell his panic as he realizes the presidency is falling from his grip. During interviews and speeches it is obvious he has to remember to smile while delivering his message. He doesn’t want to – but knows he has to. Totally creepy. Palin is his savior, his angel, his rescuer. He probably has a shrine to her in one (or all) of his eight houses.

Let’s hope that McMaverick has the guts to look at Obama at the next Presidential debate. It would seem to me that a man who lived in the Hanoi Hilton for five and a half years and was subjected to unimaginable torture by his captors, a man who is the descendent of a father and grandfather who were both admirals and in the top echelon of the military, a man who is a decorated war hero, would have the courage to greet his opponent like a man and look him in the eye.

Maybe Palin should debate Obama tomorrow night instead of McBlame. She’s Miss Congeniality, Miss Personality, and she knows how to work the camera in a way that McSame does not – and, let’s face it, probably never will at his age. She couldn’t be more dissimilar from the unfriendly cold stiffness of McCain, who’s body language at the First Presidential Debate was similar to that of a spoiled child not getting his way.

Charles Dickens has the final word on the state of the election, the state of the country, and the state of the world: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.”

O Best Beloved, I am too jammed right now with work to write the horoscoop* for this weekend; but rest assured I have plenty to share with you and next weekend’s column will be magnificent. that, my friends, is a promise!

in the meantime, may i refer you to:
http://www.ifsarahcanbevp.com/

this site was made by some folks i know to channel their energy about the upcoming election.
if you like it, please spread the word!
do it for the polar bears!

ifsarahcanbevp.com

à bientôt!

Leave us picture an Alaskan Eliza Doolittle – dead moose on her back, shotgun in one hand, hockey stick in the other - instead of a Cockney flower girl with a dirty smudged face. She is sequestered in Arizona at the McCain McCompound. For several days, she has endured being poked and prodded and grilled and filleted by the Republican Elite Guard for tomorrow night’s big Date with Destiny.

“All right Sarah! Say it again!” Henry Higgins (played possibly by Karl Rove) urges. (Meanwhile, he’s thinking – why can’t a woman be more like a man? – as HH famously did in My Fair Lady)

The rain in Spain falls mainly on McCain,” gamely responds Miss Thing.

“No!! That’s not the line! It’s ‘the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.’ Try it again!”

Deep into the night they go, as sunset falls on the painted desert and the clock strikes ten, then eleven, then midnight. And Thursday October 2 eventually dawns ~ the lines are drawn in the sand ~ and billions of eyes tune in to their television sets at 9 p.m.

Ding dong! The bells are gonna chime.

i’m not the first to point out some Ozzities in the Sarah Palin mythos; she’s very much a Dorothy-like character. she’s a cheerful, bright-eyed brunette skipping along with her posse, believing as hard as she can that she will make it to the Emerald City and meet the Wizard and eventually make it back home to her beloved Auntie Em in Kansas. she even has the ruby red slippers.

and now that the Alaskan Empress has truly been revealed as having no clothes (read: interviewed on CBS by Katie Couric), the Republican flying monkeys are starting to surround her, their eyes glittering, chomping their sharp teeth. any second now the Wicked Witch of the West will try to drop a house on her, or perhaps a multi-roomed mansion with a view of Russia from the front steps.

Holy Glinda Good Witch of the North, when they don’t even allow the Vice Presidential Candidate to provide post-debate spin on Fox, not to mention other broadcast outlets, there’s obviously a serious problem. they can’t reign her in fast enough.

when a figure like Kathleen Parker of the National Review can hope out loud and in print that Palin will step down for the good of the party, not to mention George Will in the Washington Post stating loud & clear that John McCain is not a fit presidential candidate, well, honey, it’s on.

somewhere, in a place very close to here, the rightest of the right wing are pacing the floor trying to figure out how to combat the force of nature that Obama seems to be. and their hearts (if they have hearts) are sinking when they really contemplate McCain / Palin as a viable alternative.

like many, i am starting to almost feel sorry for Palin because she is so clearly a deer in the headlights and she’s about to be shredded in front of billions of people by Joe Biden. i can picture her calling in sick on Thursday. she is so clearly out of her depth.

it’s kind of like Kenley on Project Runway last Wednesday when she, of all the designers, got the hip-hop design challenge. and then LL Cool J turns up as the Guest Judge. and she messed it up so badly because she doesn’t have the slightest idea what hip-hop fashion is, nor does she care. i mean, that outfit was a joke (but Leeanne really looked like a different person).

i can envision Palin in her ruby red slippers standing there with Toto in her arms, repeating over and over again There’s no place like Nome…There’s no place like Nome…There’s no place like Nome until eventually she’s back in the flying house and then wakes up in her own room, surrounded by her peeps.

yes, she’ll be back home safe in Kansas, never realizing until now that Barack Obama’s grandparents are her next door neighbors.

There's No Place Like Nome...

Picture this: A young, comely U.S. Vice Presidential candidate with no foreign policy experience who was virtually unknown outside of her home state a few weeks ago meets with a number of world leaders in the city which is the news and information capital of the entire globe, that would be New York City.

In a move so dastardly even the Fox Network was kneecapped, the McComplain Campaign restricted press access to these meetings except for what are whimsically known as “photo ops.” The brilliant Maureen Dowd described it best in today’s New York Times: Sarah speed-dated diplomacy. Girlfriend is on fire with her newest column Park Avenue Diplomacy.

After SP completed her cotillion with the Big Boys, Dowd writes that she met with Henry Kissinger: How the mighty 85-year-old Henry the K has fallen from his days chasing Jill St. John and running the world to his hour briefing of a 44-year-old Wasilla hockey mom who may end up running the world . . . The two made an odd couple: the last impure Rockefeller Republican and the first pure Rovian Republican, grown totally in the petri dish of cultural crusaderism.

By the by, the word palindrome means a word or phrase which reads the same in both directions. For instance; rats live on no evil star. Or Dogma: I am God. Since the so-called Straight Talk Express seems to have seriously derailed, the second one sounds about right, n’est-ce pas?

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More posts on Sarah Palin:

Baked Alaska (Ruminations on McPalin)

Que Sera, Sarah?